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This is the question we’ve been asking ourselves for a while – after all, a hire suit is intrinsically eco-friendly as it gets worn again and again, but where and how was the suit made in the first place, and what happens to it when it just can’t make it up the aisle one… more… time?

Newly weds from the back - groom with arm around the bride

We put our intrepid blogger, Tara, on the case. Over to Tara…

According to the Office for National Statistics the number of marriages in England and Wales increased by 3.7 per cent to 241,100 in 2010. So I think I’m safe in saying that if every bridegroom bought and wore wedding clothes that were destined never to see the light of day again, that’s a mind boggling stretch of miles and miles of yarn ostensibly going to waste.

But why should it only be the bride getting all the attention and admiration?  Because although they might not admit it, every groom, best man and usher wants to look sharp on the big day too.

Suit hire no longer equates with cheap and nasty, shiny suits.  There are many companies in the UK that offer top quality tailored formal suits, morning suits and all the accessories made from real wool, cotton and often UK-made materials.

More and more grooms, best men and ushers are opting for less formal clothes that reflect their personal style, and can be worn again. But a lot of men still prefer the traditional and time-honoured look: the formal suit or morning suit. And who can blame them? Dapper, flattering and with a touch of vintage all rolled into one – it’s a look that’s hard to beat.

As a bonus, formalwear hire is inexpensive and sustainable: you’ll keep spending and waste to a minimum by hiring clothes that will be re-worn and reused.

We applaud formalwear hire companies for already supporting sustainability. But as part of our groom focus on the blog, we wanted to take things a step further and find out if there were any formalwear hire companies going the extra green mile. We spoke to three forward-thinking hire companies about what they are doing to get ethical.

Anthony Formalwear

www.anthonyformalwear.co.uk

Hire suits from Anthony Formalwear

An established and traditional company with over two decades of experience in men’s tailoring, they have a choice of traditional, contemporary, designer and vintage suits and groomswear for hire, as well as accessories and evening wear.

1. Where and how is your formalwear made? In the UK or abroad? Do you have any information on the working conditions or pay of those who make it?

I do not like to deal with any company on important items I cannot travel to and from within 24 hours. I like to know as much as possible about how and where items are made.

All of our own branded items are made in Europe. Our waistcoats, ties, cravats and so on are all made in England in our own factory. Our suits for hire are all made in Germany or Portugal, while tailoring is done in England and Europe.  All the suit factories are large modern establishments so pay would be in line with country average. Shoes again are made in Portugal or by Loakes in Northampton. We sell cufflinks by Ian Flaherty -  made in London. I have visited virtually all of our manufacturers and can vouch for the conditions.

We do have a few accessories and shirts for hire which we buy through agents and I have no idea about the conditions and pay of workers who make those items.

2. What is the formalwear made from? Are any organic, sustainable or fair trade fabrics used?

Harris Tweed Waistcoat from Anthony Formalwear

Our new range of Harris Tweed is from a small family mill on the Isle of Lewis. I chose to use them rather than buy a cheaper version from the East because I feel we need to support our industry.

Our suits are all made from European silk, cashmere, wool or wool poly mix. Our waistcoats are made using European and English milled cloth with some of our accessories’ cloth coming from Japan. Again I prefer to buy British but some of the mills in Italy and Germany produce better cloth.

We did look at organic cotton shirts but it worked out too expensive – this is a price-conscious industry. We can make one-off items in organic and Fairtrade cloth through our made-to-measure department, so shirts, ties and suits can all be designed and made.

3. What happens to the clothes at the end of their life in the hire shop? Are they donated to charity? Recycled?

We sell everything useable on Ebay or to other shops, theatres, performers and artists. Anything not useable goes in the recycling.

4. As a company, do you have any particular ethical policies? Make any donations to charity? Support the local community in some way?

I have my own ethical morals, however, it is hard to bring those to bear in today’s economy where you have to make a profit to keep the staff employed.

In 26 years I have never been asked whether the cloth is organic or Fairtrade, however, a number of times people have commented that they bought from us because the item was made in the UK. As a company we have always tried to deal with businesses we know from the ground up.

Hugh Harris

www.hughharris.co.uk

Black Traditional Herringbone Morning Suit from Hugh Harris suit hire

Hugh Harris Formal Attire has been offering menswear hire and formal suit hire since 1914 with a focus on the very best quality, tailoring and service.

They offer a wide range of their own design suits and accessories in traditional or modern styling as well as an exclusive range from William Hunt of Savile Row.

1. Where and how is your formalwear made? In the UK or abroad? Do you have any information on the working conditions or pay of those who make it?

Currently we stock William Hunt, also of Savile Row, London. In regards to the rest of our collection, shirts, waistcoats, accessories and so on, we try and source as much as possible from the UK.

The majority of our suits are made by a company called Wilvorst who specialise in what is known as ‘Occasion Wear’. They are based in Germany, with all of their manufacturing taking place there. At Hugh Harris we also specialise in designer suit hire. We have worked in the past with Ozwald Boateng of Savile Row to create a collection exclusive to us.

2. What is the formalwear made from? Are any organic, sustainable, Fairtrade fabrics used?

Although we aren’t aware of any organic, sustainable or Fairtrade fabrics being offered or used by our suppliers at the moment, we would certainly consider it if we found it to be a suitable and cost effective alternative to the fabrics we currently use.

Around 90% of our collection is made from natural fibres. Wool, silk and mohair in our suits, silk in our waistcoats, cravats, ties, hankies and other accessories and cotton in our shirts. This is because natural fabrics create a far superior product to wear, and are often longer lasting than man-made fabrics.

3. What happens to the clothes at the end of their life in the hire shop? Are they donated to charity? Recycled?

Once we discontinue a line of suits, either because there is no longer a demand for them, or because they are no longer of an acceptable standard, they are usually donated to charity. We also often sell off our stock as ex-hire.

4. As a company, do you have any particular ethical policies? Make any donations to charity? Support the local community in some way?

Although Hugh Harris doesn’t currently have a specific ethical policy in place, our staff do make an active effort to reduce waste as much as possible, whether by recycling or by turning off unused electronics and lights. The managing director of Hugh Harris also donates to charity on behalf of the company on an annual basis. We regularly donate gift vouchers as raffle prizes for local events that support local charities.

Hugh Harris is also looking to upgrade their booking system to reduce the amount of paper we use. We aim to eliminate sending paper copies of customers’ orders, terms and conditions and other paperwork, instead sending this information digitally either via email, or via a web-based customer portal. This will also facilitate an improvement in how we manage, prepare and dismantle orders, again reducing the amount of paper we use.

Young’s Hire

www.youngs-hire.co.uk

3 men in grey silk suits

Located in Debenhams stores nationwide, Young’s have a large collection of pure new wool morning suits – in traditional or contemporary styles.

1. Where and how is your formalwear made? In the UK or abroad? Do you have any information on the working conditions or pay of those who make it?

All our factories and suppliers go through regular vigorous checks to ensure that all workers are paid fairly and work in safe environments. The majority of our formal hire suits are made by Swiss Garments in Egypt which is wholly owned by the Arafa group, which is our parent company.

2. What is the formalwear made from? Are any organic, sustainable, Fairtrade fabrics used?

A mixture of natural and man-made fibres are used in our suiting and all fabrics are sustainably sourced.

3. What happens to the clothes at the end of their life in the hire shop? Are they donated to charity? Recycled?

Most garments are donated to charity, unless they are beyond use in which case they are then recycled.

4. As a company, do you have any particular ethical policies? Make any donations to charity? Support the local community in some way?

Help for Heroes is our current supported charity; we have a kilt that was designed in conjunction with Help for Heroes and they receive a donation for each one hired – to date we have raised a considerable amount for the charity.


A big thank you to Anthony Formal Wear, Hugh Harris and Youngs Formal Wear for answering our questions and being transparent, something that isn’t always easy for businesses to do.

The following companies either failed to respond at all, or were unable to respond within the time frame: Jo McLaren, Slaters, Regency Groom, Moss Bros, Groom Hire, Ultimate Formal Hire, and Nicholas Smith. Burton menswear provided a telephone number to their head office but were unable to send us any information via email.


Something a little bit different

If you’re after a keepsake from the day, something you don’t have to give back to the hire shop, how about a  quintessentially British flat cap? It might not quite fit with morning wear, but certainly looks cool with a suit, or why not pull one on as you drive off into the sunset?

Man on the moors wearing eco flat cap and waistcoat

The traditional flat cap has been given a sustainable update by East London label Cock & Bull Menswear, who offer a range of designer menswear made entirely in the UK from sustainable fabrics and yarns.  This tweed, hand-woven design is made on a Hattersley loom in the Outer Hebrides and spun from an eco-friendly blend of British Scottish wool. It’s 100% organic and made to last a lifetime.

Personally, I love this look, and you don’t have to be dressed in plus fours to rock it either.  Here’s what designer A.A. Lindsay said,

The story of this flat cap began with the hunt for exceptional fabrics for the outer tweed cap and an inner lining that would render our flat cap indestructible. Our journey began in the outer Hebrides islands of Scotland – known worldwide for their excellent production of wools and tweeds, and specifically for the British Isles’ most famous heritage textile – Harris Tweed.

What we wanted were hand-woven woollen tweeds in arresting patterns and palettes that would seriously blow away any hat lover. And we certainly got that!

Enjoy the hunt for your ethical groomswear – and if  you have time, come back and tell us about it, we’d love to share your stories.

Tara

Related articles:

Here comes the groom

Seven stylish ethical cufflinks

Keep calm, you’re getting married

My alternative husband

Meet the Groom: Collaboration, Cream Tea & a Céilidh

5 great green grooms

Fairtrade shirts for grooms

Ethical Weddings

What next?

This month we’ve been inspired by one of the coolest ethical and fair trade brands in men’s bridal fashion.

Our favourite shirt maker, Arthur and Henry, produces beautiful fair trade shirts in organic cotton. We wanted to find out more about them so we collared (sorry) company owner (also “chief herder of geeks and boffins”), Clare Lissaman for more info on this rather exciting company.

Arthur & Henry fair trade shirts for men

What are men’s top choices when they come into Arthur and Henry?

The classics: white herringbone and blue herringbone.  But we’ve also seen that men like little bits of design interest – our pink stripe with floral cuffs and collar has been flying off the shelves too.

Pink stripe floral cuffs shirt from Arthur and Henry

Have you seen an uptake in grooms coming in and wanting something organic for their wedding day?

As we’re an online business we don’t always know what people are buying our shirts for, but yes, we have had an increase in email enquiries from people wanting ethical choices for their wedding and excited to have found us.

One of our grooms, Matt Wilkinson told us this recently: “It meant a great deal to me to get married in a Fairtrade shirt. I didn’t expect to find one that fitted and was smart enough, but I was determined to look nonetheless.

I came across the Arthur and Henry website and immediately ordered two shirts to make sure I had the right size. I didn’t even consult my bride to be!

The shirt is stylish, very well made and looked just right with my suit. Fairtrade means that farmers get a fair price for their crop, which is only right. I was glad to support this idea on such a special occasion.

Groom wearing Arthur and Henry Fairtrade shirt

What inspired you to start Arthur and Henry?

I was at the World Congress on Organic Cotton, full of people passionate about organic farming and textiles.  Someone asked who was actually wearing organic cotton and while most of the women were, most of the men weren’t. They were mainly suited and booted and said that they just couldn’t get smart shirts in organic cotton.

So we decided to make some.

(Makes it sound so simple doesn’t it?  In reality it was a bit of a journey but we got there and are so proud to be the first company doing a full collection of proper shirts for men for work and play in organic cotton).

What does ethical clothing mean to you?

Maximising positive impact on planet and people and minimising the negative. Also, quality clothing that wears well and lasts rather than disposable clothing.

Why should a groom consider Arthur and Henry for his wedding day?

A groom deserves to feel and look his very best on his wedding day.  Our shirts are good shirts.  They are well made. (We don’t like to boast but we’ve received compliments on the make from a Savile Row bespoke tailor.)  And they’re also good for the planet and for the people who’ve made them. Which will make him feel even better on his wedding day.

We can’t promise they’ll take away the pre-wedding nerves. But we can say they’ll see him through the ceremony and the celebration with aplomb.

Arthur and Henry are already making an impact in the ethical fashion world and this is what groom Alex Dodds had to say on why he chose an Arthur and Henry shirt for his wedding:

“I guess the main reason why I was so keen to buy an Arthur and Henry shirt is your and my ethical stance. I buy Fairtrade and organic clothing and food as often as possible anyway, it only felt right to make sure everything involved with my wedding was as humanely and environmentally friendly as possible.

“Even if it means spending a bit more time and money searching out manufacturers like yourselves who care about the products you sell, and more importantly about the lives of the people who actually make those products. I really believe voting with your wallet and being careful who you give your money to can really help to make a difference in the world.

We couldn’t agree with you more Alex!

Our thanks to  Clare and the Arthur and Henry team.

Green grooms please get in touch to let us know what you think and if you know of any other innovative, ethical fashion companies catering to your tastes.

Kate

Related articles:

Here comes the groom

Seven stylish ethical cufflinks

Keep calm, you’re getting married

My alternative husband

Meet the Groom: Collaboration, Cream Tea & a Céilidh

5 great green grooms

 

Ethical Weddings

What next?

We’re taking a brief break from our green groom theme to celebrate Vegetarian Week with this post on edible flowers. Over to Tara…

Seasonal flowers bouquet

Seeing, smelling and eating colour – The joy of edible flowers

I love talking, thinking about and eating good food! And, I don’t think I’m alone in that. Planning the gourmet aspects of your wedding day can be exciting, and challenging.  After all you want to get it right, because for many, the feast is the favoured part of a wedding celebration, and you want everyone to enjoy what they eat.

One of the most wonderful things about communal festivities is the ritual of sitting and eating together, so basic, so ancient and yet so intimate.  But what about adding something really unique and unforgettable to the veggie fare? What about the idea of eating the flower arrangements?

Lettuce Flowers display at wedding show

Sushma Windsor is the founder and director of a flower shop with a difference.  Her company Lettuce Flowers provides fresh, seasonal living floral displays for weddings and events.  Many of the flowers and plants are edible.  This makes for a delightful multi-sensory experience.  As guests admire the beauty of the scented bouquets on their tables, they can simultaneously savour the taste of those same coloured petals in a delicious edible herb and flower salad.

Lettuce flowers use only seasonal plants grown in the UK for their wedding flowers, which eliminates the need for carbon heavy transportation and required by traditional cut flowers flown in from far off places.

Lettuce Flowers gift for guests

Then at the end of the event,  guests can take the flower displays home with them to put on their windowsills or re-plant in their own gardens.

As Sushma says:

“Our displays say that you care about sustainability and symbolise perpetual growth as they make perfect keepsakes”

We recently contacted Sushma to find out a little more about her inspired approach:

Where did the idea for Lettuce Flowers originate?

Back in 2008 my husband proposed to me. We decided we would have a simple ceremony with a wedding picnic with all our friends and family to enjoy a day out in our lovely county of West Sussex.

We chose a local venue which has a very strong ethos on nature conservation.  We also decided we could not use cut flowers and especially not non-seasonal.

Lettuce Flowers displayed in pots

The estate manager was delighted when we offered to donate the growing wild flowering plants we were going to use for our day on the picnic tables and around the grounds. All the food arrived with edible flowers in various colours and the guests were thrilled to see the bees and butterflies flying on the wild flowering plants. So much so that they all took them home and asked for planting instructions.

How did this experience develop into a thriving business?

The following spring, I kept getting calls from my family and friends telling me how they loved seeing the plants come up again and how much it reminded  them of the edible flowers on the food. This sparked an idea for both of us, what if we could combine the plants with edible living flowers and keep them seasonal?

Edible flowers by Lettuce Flowers

After months of research and relentless negotiations, we found nursery suppliers who specialised in herbs, salads and edible flowers.

“We thought: Imagine how wonderful it would be to use Lettuce Flower arrangements for an event or send them to your friends, when they can use the plants in their cooking and garnishes.”

What ethical considerations lie at the heart of the business?

With my background in sustainable and ethical clothing, I wanted to ensure similar principles applied to this new business of events and gifts. Our search continued and we found some wonderful options for compostable containers, including a beautifully hand crafted heritage trug made in Sussex.

Arrangement of seasonal flowers in a trug

Armed with the knowledge of the UK cut flower industry worth over £2 billion, of which 90% are imported from Kenya and Columbia, where the land water could be used for food production, we decided it was the right time to offer UK customers a seasonal and slightly quirky alternative to intensively farmed cut flowers from abroad.

Longevity through living plants makes complete sense.

Cut flowers have to be thrown away into landfill: most local councils do not consider them as part of garden waste. Unfortunately this will add to methane gas production as the flowers decompose in the landfill.

We recently joined Positive Impact on a challenge to make us do things in a better way as we always put environment at the heart of everything we do. Lettuce Flowers should be certified ISO20121 by the end of 2013.

Can you describe some of your most memorable events?

Our first event was a wedding followed by an Italian restaurant launch in Isle of Dogs. The reaction was simply of intrigue and we saw how people wanted to touch, feel, rub, smell and taste the arrangements. A multi-sensory reaction was not what we expected, but were thrilled to learn from it. We started to offer a recipe inspiration and care instructions with every arrangement and the feedback has been very positive.

Quiche with edible flowers

At a recent business presentation, we took some canapés made using herbs and edible flowers to show how food can not only look beautiful but inviting. Needless to say, not only was all the food polished off, but the general consensus was that it was much more engaging than expected. So when we say, ‘Grow don’t throw’, it should conjure up an image of Lettuce Flowers edible arrangement and not an ordinary bunch of unseasonal cut flowers.

You’ve recently started an online service, was this something that was in demand?

To date, we have adorned dinner tables at Gala nights, Award ceremonies, birthday celebrations and weddings and without exception they all wanted to know if we had an online service they could use to send Lettuce Flower arrangements to their friends and family.

Vintage floral display by Lettuce Flowers

Early this year, we started our online shop to cater not just for the main calendar dates, but also for people to say thank you, a birthday or a ‘get well soon’ wish to their friends and family. We want people to be excited about using seasonal plants and get creative with cooking. Children may be intrigued if they see their parents using edible flowers, and who knows, it might just plant a seed for the future, in those tiny busy minds!

Tara

Ethical Weddings

What next?

5 great green grooms

Today I’m sharing my top 5 green (read: eco, alternative, ethical…) groom stories as delivered to me very kindly via the wonders of the world wide web. Enjoy – and be inspired!

1. The crafty groom

Bride and groom in front of DIY 'My Beloved' sign on reclaimed wood
Incredible photos from Frolic Storytelling

Ok, so the story is told by the bride (Chase) but the groom (Aaron) was fully on ‘board’ (that’s a pun – as you’ll see). His background is in architecture, hers is in graphic design and they run a crafty Etsy business together. Almost everything for their wedding they made together from reclaimed wood – it’s amazing. I was peering at the photos thinking – is that wooden bunting? A wooden necklace? A wooden buttonhole?

Thank you to Green Wedding Shoes for sharing the story: Crafty Reclaimed Wood Wedding: Chase + Aaron

2. The team player

Erik and Shelley high five after getting married
Photo by the wonderful onelove photography

I found this feisty couple on the fabulous offbeatbride.com. Shelley is a video game artist and Erik is a student of robotics so things got crafty quite quickly. This was a joint project – for example, Shelley made the table numbers, Erik made the wooden place cards. Erik also surprised Shelley by making her ring. My favourite bit though was the vows that they wrote together – especially this line: “Will you always keep making brownies at midnight, even on a school night?” Brilliant!

Read the full story at offbeatbride.com: Shelley & Erik’s crafty DIY and bluegrass wedding

3. DIY Groom

DIY coffee bar by groom

This is a very short, simple and sweet post that I stumbled across. The bride wanted to serve drip filter coffee at her wedding. The venue didn’t understand. So the groom, Will, built a coffee bar. Love.

Read the DIY Groom post at Wolf Haus and see the incredible wedding photos at a stunning Scottish location here.

4. The reborn vintage fashionista

1960s 3-piece Herringbone tweed suit

The suit, from Bookster

I love this guy! This post details his dedicated trawl through charity shops and vintage shops – both virtual and brick & mortar, across London and Brighton in the hunt for the perfect suit with a passion that would match that of any bride in pursuit of The Dress.

But our man gets extra greenie points because not only is his suit secondhand (1960s vintage), he’s likely to get a lot more wear out of it than a bride will from her gown – even with the best intentions. In fact he is already: “Roo often comes in from work to find me watching the TV, lounging in the jacket…”. Go green groom!

Read the full story on Rock n Roll Bride: Something borrowed, something Roo: The groom’s view by Lamb (AKA Mr Roo!)

5. The offbeat groom

Groom in embroidered suit
Photo by Diana Clock Weddings from another excellent Offbeat Bride post: “Let’s check out this groom’s kick-ass embroidered suit

We’ve heard from the Offbeat Bride now it’s time for the Offbeat Groom to have his say. He lays into the wedding industry that celebrates the ‘princess’ and relegates her prince to the sofa with the footie and a can of beer. He overturns the stereotypes and he gets involved, properly involved:

“Turns out I like thinking about readings for our ceremony. I like designing invitations. I like scouring Etsy for the perfect name cards. I like tasting food — she’s with me on this one — and creating a menu. I like sewing her wedding dress by hand. Turns out I like my fiancée quite a bit.”

Read the full story on Offbeat Bride: Musings from an offbeat groom

And those are my 5. I have to say it has been a struggle to find even this much groom perspective. Grooms, if the wedding industry isn’t listening maybe you need to shout a little louder. Tell us about your experience planning your wedding, tell us what worked and what didn’t, tell us how you can be a green groom. On this blog, we’re all ears.

Katie

Related articles:

Here comes the groom

Seven stylish ethical cufflinks

Keep calm, you’re getting married

My alternative husband

Meet the Groom: Collaboration, Cream Tea & a Céilidh

Ethical Weddings

What next?

I’m very excited about this post but first I must apologise for the hiatus in our ‘All about the Groom’ theme – I’m blaming this largely on 2 bouts of chicken pox (1 each – nicely spaced). Anyway, we’re back with a great line-up of posts about the man of the moment. Over to Tara…

Bronia on the wedding stage with wellies and umbrellas

Lewis Davies told Ethical Weddings about the ups and downs of his earth friendly wedding.

We love a unique perspective here at Ethical Weddings, we’re mad about the devilish details of real life experiences, after all, nothing beats a true story. And so, in accordance with this month’s theme which focuses on that all-important, handsome, patient and often unsung hero of the wedding party – The Groom – we talked to Lewis about his wedding day.   We hope you enjoy his engaging, comical and astute take on things as much as we did.

Which things were most important to you in the planning of your wedding?

“I think my major priority was that no one in either family got stressed out.”

If I could have measured, for example, the anxiety levels of my future mother-in-law at the beginning of the project, and at regular intervals throughout, and kept those levels at a constant, then I would have  considered the wedding to have been a success. I am aware now that it was the fevered dream of a mad man.

We didn’t want everything to be too heavily staged managed. We’d been to a wedding the year before in the Downton Abbey house, and while we didn’t and couldn’t get married there (even though it has a mummy in the basement – an actual Egyptian mummy), we both liked being able to wander around the gardens in the down time. So I think the idea of a ‘wandery’ relaxed wedding appealed to us.

Kids playing on wedding ceremony stage

I grew up in Cornwall and we had the reception at my wife’s parents’ farmhouse in Devon. I know right? What could ensure the wedding was stress free better than deciding to have the wedding in one of the principal participants’ homes? Where they were both the parents of the bride and the venue managers?

Fevered dream. Mad man.

But, it was incredibly cheap, incredibly beautiful and had enough open space for that ‘wandery’ thing we liked.

“What was important to me was using local facilities.”

I have very strong ties to my identity as a Cornish man and to the West Country so I was really happy to keep all suppliers local. Almost everyone we employed was known by people we knew. I don’t think we Googled a single supplier, with the exception of the tent people.

Everything else came from people we knew in the local area by recommendation, so that was nice. The tent people were from a bit further away, but they did a thing to ensure the transport was carbon neutral.

Group of wedding guests enjoying wedding breakfast in a yurt

“One of the things that was really important to Bronia was that it was a collaborative project with our friends”

She had spent a lot of her youth in the Woodcraft Folk, a sort of left wing pacifist version of the Scouting/Girl Guide movement with Brown Owl replaced by a woman in a home knitted jumper who had been at Greenham Common, and Akela was replaced by a man who sold Socialist Worker on the weekend and smoked roll-ups. Bronia liked the idea that all of our close friends would come down to the venue together a week early, along with her extended family, and would prepare the venue for the wedding.

A guest in yellow dress and wellies sweeps the stage ready for the wedding

At some level this unsettled me.

I was really keen on the idea that the last stages of the project would be completed by people with whom I had some sort of official contract, so that if they breached, I was in a position to demand my money back. I’ve tried to get people we know in our personal life to sign contracts like that, but Bronia says it’s not allowed. Anyway, that was important to her and I am happy to tell you that I was 100% wrong about it being a bad idea. A large group of our friends did come down before the wedding. And they did toil in the wedding mine on our behalf: they cooked, they cleaned, they built a stage for the ceremony and turned a garden into a venue.

The wedding wouldn’t have been possible without them and I think one of the things I took away from it was not only that I was marrying an amazing woman (which I’d already known) but that she had surrounded me with amazing people too.

How involved were you in the planning of things and was this important to you?

I think I had input in the early stage planning: “It’s going to be in a tent in your mum’s garden”.  And at a more micro day-to-day level: “I’m going to put up a fence around this abandoned quarry on the site so that a child doesn’t fall in and drown”.

Bronia & Lewis making their wedding vows in the rain - she in red wellies and he in a kilt

I did quite a lot of the sourcing of materials because we were more on my home turf than we were on Bronia’s. However, the planning in between was mainly hers. It’s worth pointing out that Bronia’s job at the time was as assistant to the woman who designed the closing ceremony of the 2012 Olympics. So her logistical and planning skills outstrip mine to quite a degree.

I don’t know if I cared what things looked like in particular, beyond things that I thought were going to generate more stress for people.

I organised the barbeque – a guy from a local farm shop who also had his own fishing boat, but stayed far away from the additional catering that went on in the kitchen of the farm. That was the beating heart of the project, overseen by Bronia’s formidable grandmother. It was operating under a long established Polish tradition -  that you need to make enough food for two weddings in case a wedding down the road has all their food stolen by invading Russians and they need to come and borrow some of yours.

Did you have a stag do, and if so how did you celebrate?

I had the world’s most circumspect stag do. I went to Brighton with two friends and got mildly drunk. I think they can be terribly forced affairs with people trying to act the way they think they are meant to act because it’s a ‘staaaaaaag!’.

Lewis in the wedding yurt with friend

I didn’t do the stripper thing, not because it’s unethical but because, as sex work goes, it looks like a really inefficient way of using one’s financial resources, and they don’t really make strippers who look the way I’d like them to. Also, what are you meant to be feeling while your friends watch a naked person dance on you?

I think all in all stag dos are something you have to try to come out of not feeling like a pillock. I can’t imagine what my ideal stag do would have been like.  I guess that means the one I got was okay.

Can you describe the day and what was most memorable, beautiful or unique?

“Instead of confetti we had wild flower seeds thrown on us as we ran round a track cut into the grass of the bottom field”

We got married in a registry office in the morning with as many people as we could fit in the office in Tiverton and afterwards we drove back to the house where there was a cream tea. Then we did a little personal vow and music ceremony on the stage we’d built. Then we did dinner and had a Céilidh and a bonfire. We wrote our own vows, and that’s pretty special.

Lewis (in a kilt) and Bronia (in red wellies) make their wedding vows

Wedding speeches

Wedding guests doing readings

We ate and danced in the tent with everyone pitching in to clear the tables and chairs between the two sessions. I’d recommend a Céilidh because then you can do your first dance with six other people.

Ceilidh at Lewis & Bronia's wedding

Ceilidh at Lewis & Bronia's wedding

Have you got any advice you could offer our Ethical Weddings grooms who might be in the process of planning their wedding?

  1. Try to minimise stress for others, but accept that this will never be a system that is 100% efficient.
  2. There aren’t any objects or stuff or experiences that will ensure that your wedding is ‘perfect’ –  only people can do that. Although striving for perfection is ill advised too.
  3. Take the opportunity to try to tell or show your wife how you feel about her. I did it in vows but that may not be your thing.
  4. Do jobs little and often.
  5. After your fiancé, your friends can be your most valuable asset.

Tara Gould

Related articles:

Here comes the groom

Seven stylish ethical cufflinks

Keep calm, you’re getting married

My alternative husband

Ethical Weddings

What next?

My alternative husband

First things first, I need to clear something up.

I wrote this post and was pretty pleased with it – then I looked back at the title and thought, hang on, that could sound like I’ve got another, alternative husband stashed away in a cupboard – for when I get bored of my current one.

I’m happy to reassure you that this is not the case – as this post will hopefully demonstrate. We’ve been talking about The Groom a lot this month and we’ve talked about what makes a ‘traditional’ groom and what makes a slightly more ‘alternative’ (read: into eco/ethical stuff, non-mainstream, nontraditional) one. It’s the latter definition I’m applying to my other half (otherwise I guess he’d be my other third?). So. That’s alright then.

As I was saying, this month has been mostly about The Groom so I thought I should pay some attention to my groom – especially since it was 8 years ago today that he became my husband.

Couple at End of the Road Festival
‘When we were very young’ or ‘Before children’ – you don’t want to see us now, the lines!

On the surface he probably appeared a fairly traditional groom – certainly the hired suit was nothing unusual. But while he was no Groomzilla (thankfully) he did get involved in the wedding planning: coming along to all venue visits, liaising with suppliers, making invites, orders of service, place settings, seating plan and favours (with help from our willing groomsmen and bridesmaids), running around Bournemouth with me at the last minute trying to track down matching ties for the males of the wedding party, and even – and this is the biggie – making the wedding cake. Or rather cakes – he made a fruit cake and a white chocolate mud cake. The mud cake caused me some concern as in the practice run it came out uncooked in the middle but on the day it was fantastic.

He also sorted out the honeymoon in every loving detail (it was a surprise so I knew nothing about it until we were at the airport and I was handed a ticket to San Jose, Costa Rica) and supported me through The Dress Disaster (which one day I will summon up the strength to write about on this blog but today is not that day). All in all, a good bloke, I’m sure you’d agree.

But more important was what happened afterwards, the being my husband bit. You see, we’d been a bit old-fashioned and hadn’t actually lived together (sleepovers and travelling don’t count) until we tied the knot so it was a delight to discover…

1. he cooks – much better than the dishes he prepared for me as a student suggested (super noodles, gravy and pie was a favourite back then). What’s more, he cooks most of the time – more than me. He gets home from work and he cooks dinner.

2. he bakes – not so often these days, we have 2 children under the age of 4, but I and many of our friends have enjoyed his Bakewell tarts, lemon tarts and chocolate torte. He has also made bread on a couple of occasions and only today said he would like to do it again – yes please!

3. he does housework – an equal share. Ok, maybe more than his share (I do do most of the washing though, just for the record).

4. he’s a great dad – but not just the fun bits. He gets up when they wake up in the night. Post nighttime breastfeeding, I rarely do. He gets up when they wake early in the morning while I get an extra 30 minutes (maybe a bit more…).

5. he’s not into sport – at least not in a way that interferes with normal life. He might listen to the cricket on the radio and he follows American football but as it’s usually on in the middle of the night it’s not too much of a problem.

6. he understands my need to Make The Most Of The Day and is sympathetic when we don’t achieve this aim rather than telling me to snap out of it. He also comes up with good ideas on how to save The Day when I think all has been lost.

7. he doesn’t engage in stupid arguments – he just waits till I emerge from my grumpy mood so we can have a nice time again.

All these things should not make him ‘alternative’ but from what I hear anecdotally – from friends and colleagues, and in various reports and surveys in the news, they do. One woman with a similarly hands-on husband wrote to The Guardian’s Family section agony aunt, so worried was she about his penchant for helping out.

So, on this day, our anniversary, I would just like to say thank you to my husband for ignoring what the media and society say he should be, for being ‘alternative’, for being himself, for doing his share in making our marriage work. I want to say thank you, and I love you.

Katie

Ethical Weddings

What next?

We heard Fiona’s story back in November and her wedding dress is now with Clare Clements waiting to make its way to Malawi.

Today we’re sharing Lucy’s story. Early this month her email popped into our inbox – short and very sweet:

I would like to donate my wedding dress to Malawi as per the article on your website. If you could let me know how this is possible I would be grateful.

Bride in wedding dress enjoying a glass of wine

We quickly put her in touch with Clare who is helping to coordinate the project from the UK and Lucy kindly told us a bit about her big (or small!) day and her dress.

“Thank you so much for your reply. I’m so happy to be doing this.

“I was married in Leu Gardens, Florida on the 7th May 2009. There were no guests, only myself and my husband so it was a very small, intimate ceremony.

Couple making their wedding vows

“Several of my friends have borrowed something from my wedding for theirs. A very close friend borrowed my tiara for her wedding in Las Vegas. My best friend borrowed my veil for her wedding at Gretna Green. I decided to donate my dress as friends had borrowed accessories so why not give someone the ultimate borrow: my dress? I am never going to wear it again and the thought that someone else could benefit and feel as special and as lovely as I did makes me smile and feel really happy.

Bride in her wedding gown in the evening

“The dress is a size 10-12 with a corset back and bejewelled bodice.

“I would love to follow my dress and see other people in it and being happy!

“Thanks again Kate, this means a lot to me.”

We love Lucy’s story of a small wedding that was all about her and her husband and the commitment they were making. It sounds like her friends may have followed her example with their Las Vegas and Gretna Green weddings!

Follow that dress logo for Ethical Weddings initiative
Find out more about the Follow That Dress project

We look forward to seeing who wears Lucy’s dress next once it has made its way to Malawi.

Katie

Related posts:

Follow That Dress – every dress tells a story

Follow That Dress – first donation

Donate your wedding dress to Malawi

Ethical Weddings

What next?

We are celebrating the groom this month and along with ethical clothing, crafty grooms and the shiny cufflinks we also want to talk about the stuff that’s on your mind.

We want to talk about how you might be feeling, under pressure to be a perfect groom, wanting to ‘get it right’ for your bride along with any niggling worries about the big triggers of doing the speech or that first dance.

Pre-wedding nerves

Nervous groom

So, how are you feeling about the wedding day? Does thinking about any specific part of the day bring a nervous feeling into your stomach or a lump in your throat? The wedding morning is often a stressful time for both bride and groom. Getting everyone ready, worrying about getting there on time, any last minute crises that could happen and those “what if…?” questions that swim around our psyches.

Ideally, we’d all like to be cool cucumbers but what if you know this isn’t your normal state, that your stress and anxiety levels are already pretty high, and the big day might just add to that pressure cooker feeling?

There are many techniques that can help you relax so don’t wait until you are a bag of nerves on the wedding day , investigate the following techniques to see which one is right for you: hypnotherapy, EFT, meditation, life coaching, and cognitive behavioural therapy. Here’s a bit more detail on two of our favourites that you can get started with right away.

Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT & Matrix Reimprinting)

tapPoints-2
Tapping points courtesy of EFT Training Courses

This self-help technique is based on the same theory as acupuncture, except you tap points on your body rather than insert needles. Its popularity is growing rapidly and it is thought to be one of the “greatest healing tools of the 20th century” (Deepak Chopra). Here is what one bride said:

“We are just back from honeymoon after an amazing wedding and I just wanted to say thank you SO much for the work we did together – apart from early morning nerves I felt so calm throughout the whole day and it was incredible! I really was amazed at how relaxed I was the whole day. No overwhelm at all, just lots of grounded happiness” EFT Brighton 

Meditation

Meditating man

You don’t have to be a monk on the side of the mountain to meditate, it’s simply taking time to be still, relax and be present. There has been lots of research on the effects of meditation, but essentially it is the opposite of anxiety. It trains your brain to quieten down. There are hundreds of different types of meditation but here are some great minute meditations (perfect for a moment of calm on the wedding day morning) or perhaps you’d prefer a course from the highly scientific Transcendental Meditation Institute.

The speech

Whether it’s writing it or delivering it the wedding speech can keep even the most confident orator awake at night. Fear not, there are people that can help and they come in the form of speech writers and vocal coaches. But the content needs to come from you; it’s your speech after all. To brainstorm, get a blank piece of paper and answer the following questions:

  1. Why do you want to get married to your fiancée?
  2. What are your bride’s best features and why?
  3. Where did you meet?
  4. What funny stories do you have about your dating time together?
  5. What do her family think of you?
  6. What do your family think of her?
  7. What are the nicknames that you have for each other?

You’ll soon start crafting some content, get into the flow, forget punctuation and just keep going. Then when you are ready, pick five of the points and elaborate on them and you will have the bones of your speech in no time. Once the first draft is done then it’s time for some help. Who do you know has a good command of English? Bribe them to help you edit it and, most importantly, take a break from it for a few days and openly listen to their feedback.

If all else fails then hire a speech writer, but if you’ve done the ground work then it will be faster and cheaper for them to turn a first draft into a polished speech. Try Burn the Toast and Staggered for a recommended speech writing service.

Right, the speech is written and now it’s just the thought of delivering it in front of all those wedding guests that’s worrying you. If the worry is reaching fever pitch then go back to the earlier therapies that could help. You can also hire a vocal coach or a friend to practise in front of. Yes it’s a cliché but practice will really make your delivery perfect, reading it aloud also highlights any areas that need changing.

Another good tip is to print your speech out in a large font (at least 16pt), laminate it, and mark where the natural pauses or applauses are. Read slowly and carefully, have water by your side and don’t be afraid to take a moment to let the audience really hear your words. What you have to say is important.

The dancing groom

We’ve all seen those brilliant wedding dances on YouTube, and if you’ve got time and the inclination then hire a local dance teacher to help you craft something special or perhaps just go for the downright hilarious like the Frog Song. The most important thing is to enjoy it, if learning to tango six weeks before your wedding feels too much, then it probably is.

But gaining confidence in your dancing ability could be as simple as hiring a service like Go Experience or opting for something more inclusive of your guests such as a drumming workshop.

BassToneSlap_TeamBuilding18

Image courtesy of Bass Stone Slap

It’s not only brides who can feel pressured by all that is expected from them on their ‘big’ day. So, grooms, take some time for yourselves and figure out how you are feeling, then take some action to help you through it with ease. Yes, we’re keen to help you go green on your wedding day but we want you to look after yourself as well as your environment.

Take it easy!

Kate

Related articles:

Here comes the groom

Seven stylish ethical cufflinks

Ethical Weddings

What next?

Did the Elizabethans create the greenest cufflink ever with their ‘cuff string?’

Maybe, but unless you are a having a farm wedding with themed costumes to boot (think Worzel Gummidge) then string is not going to be the best look for 2013. With the advances in Fairtrade precious metals and ethical designers recycling interesting materials, grooms have more choice than ever. Here are our top picks for ethical cufflinks.

1. Seahorses mate for life

seahorse-cuffs fifi
Ethical favourites Fifi Bijoux have done it again with these beautiful seahorses crafted in 9ct Fairtrade gold. Craft a romantic moment with your bride by whispering into her ear that seahorses stay together for life while showing her the beautiful specimens on your wrist.

2. For the Parisian in you

IMG_3719_bees

This cufflink is from a Parisian themed collection and quite the bling bee on your wrist. The bullet-black, crystal adorned, honey-gold rhodium bee cufflinks are inspired by the diverse wildlife in the Jardins des Plantes. Bond47 makes a donation to a charity of your choice  (from 8 selected) with every purchase of cufflinks.

3. Lego loving lad

Double-Brick-Lego-Cufflinks-Grey-Yellow-The-Bristol-Shop

What do recycled lego cufflinks say about you on your wedding day? That you know marriage is a serious business but it should be fun too! Bring a piece of your childhood to your wedding. These cufflinks from The Bristol Shop come in a variety of colours and shapes to suit.

4. Debonair gent

Diamond culture ebony diamond

If you wear cultured diamonds on your wrist, you know that they were grown in a laboratory rather than mined under potentially poor working conditions and with a greater environmental impact. These elegant Diamond Culture cufflinks are made from Ebony wood with a blue (lab-grown) diamond and ten small white diamonds dotted down the central stalk.

5. Who’s that knocking at my door?

3750_silver_large CRED

Does your love for your betrothed send you wild like a wolf – even just a teensy little bit? Then these bold cufflinks make a fashionable statement. Designer Oria, based at Cred only uses sterling silver sourced from artisan miners in Bolivia who don’t use cyanide or mercury for extraction.

6. Gorgeous geek

ecocentric

We couldn’t resist these geeky cufflinks from made from recycled circuit boards. Ecocentric offer black, blue, red and green for that superchic geek look on your wedding day.

7. Irish rose

Rose of Donegal cufflinks

Wear the flower that is the symbol of love on your sleeve with La Jewellery’s ‘Rose of Donegal’ Cufflinks.

They are made from 100% recycled silver, bought from a number of charities, and hand-crafted here in the UK. They even come in 100% recycled packaging.

Have you been inspired by our ethical cufflinks? Perhaps you want to design your own cufflinks that highlight a passion of your own. Many ethical boutique jewellers take bespoke orders, head over to our ethical jewellery suppliers section to have a look.


Coming up next on the Ethical Weddings Blog is some great advice for the groom. Forget boring wedding lists, we’re thinking of ways to help you with pre-wedding nerves, dancing and speech writing. Plus some fantastic articles on alternative, organic, upcycled wedding wear for the green groom. We’d best get writing then!

Kate

Related articles
Here comes the groom

Ethical Weddings

What next?

Here comes the groom

We’re devoting the next few weeks to the man of the moment, the too often neglected groom.

His traditional role is limited: choose a car to get to the church on time, maybe research the honeymoon, sort out some of the money stuff, put on a suit and turn up, say a few words.

Groom and corsage

But what about  the men who want more – who want an equal share in their big day and an alternative route up the aisle?

We’ll be looking at what makes a green groom – what his eco and ethical options are (when it comes to fashion, generally fewer than for the bride) and meeting some grooms who have taken this path less trodden.

We’re not ignoring the traditional bits – take a look at our favourite ethical cufflinks feature coming up next on the blog – but we hope we’re giving them a green twist.

If you are or know a groom who’s decided to do things differently, get in touch, we’d love to share your story.

Katie

Ethical Weddings

What next?

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