Here goes…

1. No more ‘supposed to’

…says Ariel Meadow Stallings, the Offbeat Bride who had a ‘bridentity crisis’ on getting engaged:

“Suddenly I was supposed to care about floral arrangements and classical quartets.  Suddenly I was supposed to like poufy white dresses and showing off jewelry.  Suddenly I was supposed to buy five-hundred-page glossy magazines and take a strong interest in decorative bows for the backs of rented chairs.”

Happily it didn’t take Ariel too long to realise that she didn’t have to be someone else on her wedding day.

“Once I realized that we could craft the wedding that we wanted (and not what others expected), the whole process got a lot easier.  There was no need to read the glossy magazines for ideas – I already knew what I cared about.  The issue was just figuring out how to share that with my friends and family in a way that everyone could enjoy.”

A bonus of this approach in our book (which we haven’t written yet – watch this space!) is that it tends to make your special day a whole lot cheaper and greener.

2. Embrace the Retro Wedding

Jen Marsden of Green Guide for Weddings reckons that our current retromania could be a blessing for the planet.  Jen says:

“When 900,000 million items of perfectly good clothing, shoes and accessories are thrown away these days it makes sense keeping stuff that will become popular again […]. 

“Whilst not suggesting that the bridegroom wears his 1980s hideously patterned shell suit to the altar there are some class pieces from the 1950s […] Think Sinatra, Martin and the crooners – if their style still looks good then so can yours.

“Vintage doesn’t have to be expensive.  Beyond Retro opened in 2000 in a warehouse in East London where they sell a wide range of vintage clothing and accessories for men and women.  Their vintage wedding items are available from £18 to £120 and they sell vintage veils, silk flowers, headpieces and shoes [too].”

If you’re going to buy vintage online, heed these words of wisdom from Wenona Napolitano of The Everything Green Wedding Book:

“Ask what condition the gown is in, how fragile the material is, and whether the dress is wearable (some people just collect vintage gowns they don’t plan to wear).  Above all, do not rely on sizes.  Get measurements.  Sizes mean nothing in vintage gowns because they don’t even come close to modern size charts. […] Over time, people have gotten taller and thicker […].  Vintage styles are often very small and are made for shorter women.  Make sure you have accurate measurements of yourself.”

Wenona shares more tips on choosing a vintage gown in her article for Ethical Weddings: “Totally vintageous – search for an eco chic wedding gown”

We say, for more vintage inspiration and bargains, head to one of the many vintage fairs going on in 2012 – we’ve a growing list here (among other ethical, green and alternative wedding events).

3. Take your vows in a green church

If you’re going for a traditional church wedding, that’s no reason to stop asking your green questions.  Jen says:

“Now that churches have gained their fair trade status, they are looking at the whole green cycle – from procurement to combating climate change.

“There are now over 100 churches in the UK that promise to include environmental considerations daily into their prayers, as set out by the organisation, Eco Congregation.  With activists amongst its clergy, The Green Church of the Year (awarded by Church Times in 2007) went to the Holy Trinity in Cleeve, Somerset.”

• See more Green Church Award winners
• Find out about the Church of England’s National Environmental Campaign, Shrinking the Footprint
• Visit the Eco Congregation website

4. Think outside the vase

When it comes to weddings, flowers can be a pesticide-ridden, carbon-hungry minefield.  So it’s useful to try a little lateral thinking.  One bride, Danielle, shares her floral story in Organic Weddings: Balancing Ecology, Style and Tradition by Michelle Kozin:

“I wanted organic, locally grown flowers for my late-fall wedding but none of the florists in the area were interested in helping me because it would be just past the local growing season.

“I approached a woman selling flowers at a local farmer’s market about doing dried bouquets and arrangements from her summer flowers that dried well.  She had never done a wedding before but was really excited to have the opportunity.

“Everything looked beautiful and very unique!”

Michelle also gives tips on growing your own flowers, and suggests reusing your arrangements by moving them from the ceremony to the reception and then to your local hospital or nursing home, choosing potted plants for centrepieces that can be given as gifts and replanted, and using fabric flowers or vintage pins instead of boutonnieres and corsages.

5. Have your organic cake and eat it too

If you’re making your own cake, Michelle suggests simply taking a traditional recipe and substituting organic ingredients.  If you’re not feeling up to the role of master baker for your wedding day, she says:

“If you are searching for an organic baker, but can’t locate one, ask a conventional baker if they are willing to purchase organic and natural ingredients for your cake.  Even if only half of the ingredients can be organic, go for it.  Half is better than none.

“You may find a baker who is interested in helping you and in learning to source ingredients for an organic cake.  Local health and natural food stores in your area should carry necessary baking products.”

6. Get a little bit crafty

The Everything Green Wedding Book’s Wenona is a big fan of handmade nuptials and she believes wedding DIY is one way for a couple to get even closer in the run-up to their marriage.

“Green couples really seem to be in touch with the DIY wedding by planting flowers or growing fresh herbs in pots to give away as favors, or by making handmade paper for their invitations.

“Making beautiful handcrafted elements for your wedding as a couple is a wonderful way to bond and spend quality time together while planning your big day. 

“It is also a great way to relax and de-stress in the midst of planning a large event.  Chances are you are extremely busy , hustling around between appointments, fittings, and normal day-to-day living.  Crafting is a way to slow down and concentrate on absolutely nothing but the task at hand.”

7. Have a cyberdelic wedding

Mireya Navarro, New York Times Style correspondent and author of Green Wedding – Planning your eco-friendly celebration has a solution for couples who are hankering after a big wedding with all their friends and family but don’t want the carbon (or financial) cost: live streaming.

Mireya says:

“A wedding webcast may sound kind of fringe, but it allows you to cut down your guest list and still have all of your loved ones be part of the event (kind of). […]

“One company, www.WebcastMyWedding.net, has technicians who can travel to your wedding to take care of the webcast […] The company also allows you to handle the webcast yourself for a fraction of the price […].  The owner, Ariel J. Andres […] says that all couples need for the live streaming is a video camera, a laptop, and a high-speed Internet connection.  After reserving a webcast channel, a couple can create their webpage and e-mail invitations with the time and date of the event so that guests know when to log on.”

For obvious reasons this approach is particularly popular for destination weddings but Mireya also gives the example of a couple who, “wanted to save money, so they had only eight relatives and close friends at their wedding in Santa Monica, California, but broadcast the beach ceremony to more than one hundred online guests.”

8. Be a green inspiration, not a green bore

So you’re having a green wedding but should you tell your guests or wait to dazzle them with your eco chic style when they ask you where you got your fabulous (charity shop actually) wedding dress or your (made them ourselves from organic cotton and home-grown lavender) favours?

New York Times Style guru, Mireya says:

“The wedding offers a chance to educate friends and relatives not yet clued in to terms like ‘post-consumer recycled paper,’ but how can you do this without a Power Point presentation between courses?

“Kelly Nichols and Alan Puccinelli of California used their wedding website to show ‘How we’re being eco-friendly’. It explained that the venue composted on-site.  It mentioned the organic menu and the bio-degradable wood stir-sticks for drinks.  And under ‘What can you do?’ it included tips such as ‘ride our chartered bus’ and ‘wear a dress you already own’.”

9. Drink and be merry

Kate L. Harrison, author of The Green Bride Guide has these tips for a sustainable tipple to celebrate your newly-wed status:

“If you live in an area that grows wine, it is nice to support a local vineyard.  If you are having a vineyard wedding, the wine will probably be part of the package, but even if you are having your wedding somewhere else, you can ask for or provide locally grown wine.”

And do opt for organic if you can…

“Grapes are one of the most pesticide-heavy crops in the world. […] Organic wine is made from grapes that have been grown without the use of chemical pesticides, fertilizer, and herbicides. 

“Most organic wines also have fewer suliftes, because they cannot add additional preservatives, which is good for people who are prone to wine headaches.”

(We say: so your guests will thank you for it the next day too!)

10. Don’t forget to smile

We like Kate’s easy-to-action tip on the photography front.  Go digital.  She says:

“Although some photographers are still wed to film-based photography (and may try to convince you it is better), digital technology has evolved to the point that the vast majority of professional photographers […] use digital cameras.

“Film processing requires toxic chemicals, takes a long time, costs more, and does not yield higher-quality results.  By staying digital, your photographer can quickly and easily delete unwanted images, provide you with proofs, color correct, and post all of the photos on the web.  With digital photography, only the pictures you want are printed, saving additional resources.”

She finishes with the recommendation that green couples ditch the disposable cameras.  It’s common sense as nearly everyone has a digital camera these days – there is absolutely no need to give your guests even more of an excuse to become paparazzi for the day.

11. Think location, location, location

Suzan St Maur in How to get married in green: Have an eco-friendly wedding without compromising on style has a useful check list of things to consider when looking for a suitably green wedding venue:

• Avoid choosing a location abroad, even if you’re combining wedding and honeymoon.
• Pick a location that’s easily accessed by the majority of your guests.
• Organise a “park & ride” arrangement for guests, especially if the location is far from home.
• Pick a location that’s easily accessed by public transport.
• Choose a reception location within as short a distance as possible of the ceremony location.
• Think twice about having your reception at home if you have to bring in all facilities.
• If having a civil  wedding, arrange ceremony and reception in same location.
• Ensure reception location has a proper recycling policy.
• Ensure reception location catering uses local, preferably organic produce.
• See if you can “double up” with other couples getting married at around the same time, for things like flowers and decorations.

12. Tuck in with a difference

The format for a wedding has become rather fixed in recent years: ceremony, reception with sit-down meal, dancing until the early hours with more food (even though everybody is still full to bursting from the huge reception meal which inevitably finished hours later than it was supposed to).

But it wasn’t always like that – my parents married in the 1970s, had the ceremony, a lunch with friends and family and then headed off on their honeymoon to Northumberland… in November.  Simpler times!

Suzan offers us some refreshing alternatives to today’s standard wedding timetable:

“Brunch receptions – From a green point of view they are helpful because they are held from late morning to early afternoon, so requiring less in the way of artificial light.  From a catering point of view they can encompass pretty well anything you like,  from organic free range eggs and locally-cured bacon on locally made organic toasted bread… to a full lunch menu.  The style is less formal than the traditional afternoon/evening reception, and there is usually less alcohol consumption. […]

“Tea receptions – This may seem like a quirky idea but it does cut back on the cost of food and drink and is a lovely variant […] Food wise you serve everything you would at a formal tea party, which in this case can be produced from locally sourced and made sandwiches, cakes, pastries and sweets. Organic tea is the main drink which can be supplemented by alcohol if required.  The time frame for this type of reception is mid-afternoon until early evening […]”

We would also suggest that the less formal and traditional style of these receptions alters guests’ expectations which could take off the pressure if you or your friends and family fancy taking on some of the catering yourselves.

Phew.  So there you have it – 12 top tips for 2012 weddings from our green wedding gurus.  A big thank you to all of them for their wise words.

If you have more fantastic, eco-friendly tips that you really shouldn’t keep to yourself, please share them in the comments below.

Happy planning!

Katie

What next?

• Sign up to receive our monthly Ethical Weddings newsletter
• Search the Ethical Weddings Suppliers Directory
• Read real ethical wedding stories

Laura took tips from The Natural Wedding Book for the civilised start to proceedings with a jewellery-making class followed by afternoon tea (am still regretting not trying the eclairs but the sandwiches, strawberry tart and jam scone with clotted cream did for me).

The cheesy club (Richmond’s only club I should add) was probably not straight out of the pages of TNWB but the less said about that the better.

Cheesy club aside, this leads me neatly to the lovely Laura’s review of the aforementioned Natural Wedding Book:

I loved this book!

The best thing about it for us was that it inspired us to make as many things as we could for our wedding.

We really wanted to make our own invitations and orders of service and we found lots of ideas – we created a design using our own photos, printed on some lovely grass paper from ElliePoo. We weren’t quite brave enough to try the paper making recipe!

My fiancé’s mum is kindly making our cake and there are lots of lovely suggestions on how to decorate her delicious fruitcake.

Next weekend I’m off to a flower wholesalers armed with my instructions on how to make my bouquet, posies for my flowergirls and buttonholes for my fiancé and his best man. The pointers on which flowers will be in season are very helpful, and there are loads of ideas on how to create flower displays.

Ethically sourced rings and gifts are also really important to us and this book is full of suggestions on both.

We found out about FairGift who do a fair trade wedding list service from the directory which has contact details for lots of things any wedding planning couple will need.

It’s even got recipes for edible face masks… look out hens, I might just go and get a kilo of avocados for the hen weekend!*

Get your copy of The Natural Wedding Book

The Natural Wedding Book is available to buy at £12.99 (RRP £19.99) from sawdays.co.uk

If you entered our competition to win a copy, check our upcoming April newsletter to find out if you’re one of the lucky ones!

What next?

• Talk to other brides and grooms in the Ethical Weddings Forum
• Sign up for our Ethical Weddings monthly newsletter

Katie

*She didn’t – thankfully!

Wedding planning books are hitting the shelves faster than you can say ‘I do’ and we really need the help of our lovely Ethical Weddings readers to work our what’s hot and what’s not.

We’ve got 3 new titles for you to get stuck into – let us know which one takes your fancy and a copy will be on its way to you (we have more copies of some than others so we’ll send them out on a first come, first served basis).

Read more about how to do reviews for Ethical Weddings.

Here are the wedding planning books waiting for your beady reviewer eyes…

‘The Rough Guide to Weddings’ by Ruth Tidball

Out in February 2010, get your hands on a copy in December by reviewing it for Ethical Weddings!

The blurb: ‘The guide is practical and down-to-earth, providing all the advice and information needed to plan a dream wedding day, whether that be a green wedding, a Civil Partnership ceremony, an alternative bash, or a traditional church-and-champagne affair.

From the practicalities of budgets and venue-booking to the emotional curveballs along the way from cold feet to mutineering bridesmaids the guide tries to help the bride and groom pull off the perfect wedding without losing their minds.’

Email us to review this book

‘Miss Manners’ Guide to a Surprisingly Dignified Wedding’ by Judith Martin

Out in January 2010, get your review copy of this thorough but humorous examination of wedding etiquette now!

The blurb: ‘In this age of overblown weddings, something essential has been forgotten. Something decent, something dignified, something Miss Manners knows all about: etiquette. In this book, Miss Manners, a.k.a. Judith Martin, aided by her daughter, takes on our culture of commercialized love and with trademark wit tells brides and their cortège what advice to ignore, what “traditions” to skip, and how to achieve the rare, tasteful wedding.

Miss Manners has culled thousands of questions from bewildered grooms, bankrupt parents, bridezillas and bridesmaids covering marital matters large and small—from same sex marriages and melded families, to reply cards and bachelorette parties. Judith and Jacobina Martin navigate the world of weddings with respectful hilarity, helping their “gentle readers” to recognize that etiquette does not have to mean extravagance.’

Email us to review this book

‘Your Beautiful Wedding on Any Budget’ by Todd Outcalt

The blurb: ‘With the average cost of a wedding hovering around $30,000, many couples wind up deep in debt to pay for this big day. But Pastor Todd Outcalt, who has counseled hundreds of couples on how to avoid this strain on a new marriage, shows you another way.

‘Your Beautiful Wedding on Any Budget’ reveals how to craft a debt-free big day, gives you the techniques and strategies to help you enter into marriage with a bigger wallet and lower stress level. Rather focusing on a certain dollar amount, ‘Your Beautiful Wedding on Any Budget’ allows you to design a plan tailored to your financial reality, whatever that may be.’

Email us to review this book

Update: 17 November

I spoke too soon. We have 4 books ready for your review! We have just received a copy of ‘Budget Weddings for Dummies’ by Meg Schneider.

If you don’t mind putting your hand up and admitting you’re not all that when it comes to planning a budget wedding, why not grab a copy of this guide to show you the way down that straight and narrow aisle?

The blurb: ‘In this downturned economy, many couples do not have the finances to spend on a lavish wedding. For those looking to save money, the new Budget Weddings For Dummies provides suggestions on deals, fun insights, and advice on how to plan a stylish wedding for much less than you might think.  Future brides and grooms will learn how to:

• Make and keep a budget
• Get great deals on gowns, tuxes, cakes, invitations, photography, food, and wedding locations
• Infuse creative, economical, and green ideas that emphasize style and elegance
• Find the most economical time of year to hold a wedding
• Negotiate with vendors
• Avoid hidden expenses and add-ons
• Create wedding items like invitations, decorations, favors, and many more

The book is also a valuable resource for parents, friends, and families who may contribute their time and money to the celebration.

Want to know how to spend less on food? Plan an eco-friendly budget wedding? Check out this Cheat Sheet on Dummies.com.

Email us to review this book