Pity the poor bride who relies on such lists to create the perfect big day – especially if she starts planning a year in advance as most do.

Picture it: you’ve just had your dressmaker remove the sleeves from your bespoke wedding gown and make a few strategic cuts to showcase that cleavage when the next wedding mag you pick up tells you that ‘coy is in’ for 2012 and lace sleeves (a la Kate Middleton) a must.

So for those of you who are fed up of fickle fashions and just want this special day to be your day not a vision from Vogue, here is Ethical Weddings’ (completely subjective) list of what’s always hot in weddings:

Warning: This is written in the style of a ‘what’s in, what’s out’ list – normal service will be resumed for the next post!

1. Feeling special but feeling comfortable

We’re in raptures over the tailored, cream suit for today’s bride, but also loving the dramatic, red flamencoesque swishing skirts, and the traditional A-line shape that flatters the hips, and the mountainous meringue that shouts “Hey hubby, I’m here!”.

Essentially, we’re swooning over any shape, size or style that makes us feel gorgeous, happy and best of all, comfortable – ourselves but on a good day (as somebody said).

2. Vintage weddings – something old?

We’ve heard that vintage is old hat (well, it would be, wouldn’t it?) but we’re not ready to give it up that easily.

We don’t have to ram it down our guests’ throats (those 1920s feathers can tickle) but we adore the idea that our wedding has a history – that our rings celebrated love in centuries past, our stylish fascinator fascinated another blushing bride, our charity shop china has adorned countless wedding tables and will adorn countless more.

And of course we’re completely ravished by the ‘reuse, recycle’ philosophy that comes with the whole vintage shebang.

If you think vintage is still in, get your fix at one of the many vintage wedding fairs this year.

3. Not breaking the bank

We’re obviously head over heels about weddings but we’re also holding on tight to a tiny seed of common sense that says “It’s just one day”.

We’re poring over our sexy spreadsheets, borrowing as much wedding paraphernalia as we can, dabbling in a bit of crafty DIY for our table decorations and just doing our bestest to keep our white wedding in the black.

Our hard work will pay off when we’re cosied up on the sofa with our other half watching telly – rather than watching the bailiffs cart it off.

4. Loving and giving

We’re sharing this one with The Wedding Channel who flagged it up on their 2012 hot list: charity gift registries are in, reckless registries are out.

And we’re keeping it! We say charity gift lists are here to stay – if our houses are cluttered to bursting, why not make the most of our guests’ giving instincts to benefit a good cause?

5. Saying thank you (the Anti-Bridezilla)

We’re suppressing the desire to shout “It’s all about me, me, me” and instead being grateful to our nearest and dearest for their support and friendship not just on this day but over the years.

If they offer their talents, their cast-offs or their hard-earned cash to help us make our celebration that bit more special we’re accepting graciously or – if absolutely impossible to do so – declining with the utmost delicacy that leaves relationships intact and hearts warmed.

6. Getting personal

We’re reading the wedding rule book then hurling it out of the nearest window.

We’re looking to our own lives as we choose poems and vows that mean something to us, not the masses. We invite the friends and family we want (not the ones we’re supposed to) and in the way we want – by phone, by email, by smoke signal.

We’re having a go at making our own cake, dress or bouquet and cherishing the personal imperfect over the professional and immaculate.

Or maybe we’re turning up in our jeans and t-shirt with just our loyal dog as a witness – it’s our wedding and we’ll do it our way.

7. Marrying the one we love

We’re absolutely in love and we want to get married to celebrate that, tell the world and make that commitment to each other.

The rest doesn’t really matter.

Katie

What next?

• Sign up to our Ethical Weddings newsletter
• Follow us on Twitter @ethicalweddings

‘White Hot Hope, Vow to Make a Difference‘ has got the UK bridal industry on board to come up with nationwide retail initiatives, one-off events, special deals and incentives, all with the aim of funding a Quiet Room for cardiac patients at Great Ormond Street Hospital.

How will it raise money?

• BRIDES magazine will donate a percentage of their White Hot Hope advertising revenue from the November/December issue to the charity
• Supporters of the scheme will put a percentage of their November sales towards the cause
• The 5k Runaway Bride Run on Sunday 20 November in Battersea Park is a chance to get in shape for your big day and raise funds for the cause
• Competition to win a Jenny Packham wedding dress – phone or text to enter – all profits will go to the cause
• Competition to win a month of shoes – phone or text to enter as above

This could be a great chance to win some goodies for your wedding while supporting a very deserving charity at the same time!

We wish BRIDES all the best with this initiative.

Katie

Wish Upon a Wedding launched in January 2010 with the aim of giving couples facing terminal illness and other serious life-altering circumstances a wonderful wedding or vow renewal day (regardless of sexual orientation).

The organisation has already made 25 weddings happen since its launch and has many more in the pipeline.

Its original dream, however, was not just to provide the wedding but to reunite family members for this very special event as all too often this is the last time a family is together before the recipient of the Wish passes away.

For example, this might involve airfare for up to four of the Wish recipient’s family members and hotel accommodation.

So far they have not been able to raise the funds to do this.

How you can help

From 15 September to 31 October, Wish Upon a Wedding is running its second annual Bid Your Wish for Wedded Bliss, an online charity auction offering hundreds of items for couples about to be wed, with many items starting as low as $50.

Whether you’re looking for entertainment, bridalwear, a heavenly honeymoon you could find it here if you just bid.

• Take a look at the Bid Your Wish for Wedded Bliss auction here

Bid in the auction and you could find the final pieces for your perfect wedding while making someone else’s dream wedding come true too!

Founder Liz Guthrie explains the organisation’s need:

One of our couples is going to be granted a wedding soon in Ohio. The bride is currently undergoing chemotherapy, due to a variety of terminal illnesses she battles and the groom is a lymphoma cancer survivor. We are disheartened that his parents cannot afford airfare from California to attend the wedding.

Wish Upon a Wedding must secure enough funding (or donated miles) to secure airline tickets for every single Wish we grant, so that it is fair to all Recipients. It’s the only way we can ensure these families will be brought together in such situations.

Ready, steady, place those bids now!

Katie

Today we’re bringing you a new way to donate your dress – or to buy a pre-loved wedding gown and benefit not just the planet but its people too.

The Brides Project accepts gown donations from all over the USA, and then sells them at under half the retail costs, with all proceeds going to the Cancer Support Community (CSC).

The CSC provides free services to adults, teens and children whose lives have been affected by cancer.

The Brides Project has collected many beautiful bridal gowns thanks to the generosity of other brides and bridal salon owners who want to make a difference in the lives of individuals who have been touched by cancer.

Launch of The Brides Project salon on 17 September

Ann Arbor CSC is sponsoring the first Brides Project salon at 208 West Liberty Street in downtown Ann Arbor, Michigan.

The store will offer brides a selection of gently used or new dresses which have been donated to CSC. It is also the Midwest donation point for Brides Against Breast Cancer.

All are welcome at the Grand Opening on Saturday 17 September.

How do I donate my dress?

Dress donations are accepted from anywhere in the US and anyone can purchase the gowns. For more information, please email: info@thebridesproject.org or call 734.418.3332.

Find out more

Cancer Support Community of Ann Arbor

The Brides Project (USA)

The Brides Project (Canada)

Brides Against Breast Cancer

All links open in a new window

Happy donating!

Katie

There are so many charity shops with bridal departments just begging for your dress, you know it’s going to a good home – and a good cause.

But what if you want it to go direct to another bride? A bride who perhaps wouldn’t otherwise be able to afford to buy the wedding dress of her dreams.

This was the challenge set for us by one bride who got married back in 2006.  She said:

I heard on the radio some years ago about a charity that takes pre-worn wedding dresses overseas to lend them to women who are marrying but cannot afford a dress. I have been searching in vain to find out who this organisation is so I can donate my dress so someone else can get the pleasure and use out of it but so far no luck ! I really hope you can help.

We got on the case.  And this is what we came up with:

1. Westminster Weddings

Back in 2009, we did a blog post about an organisation in Kenya that takes donated dresses from the UK and hires them out at affordable rates using the income to fund an orphanage:

“They rely on generous brides in the UK donating wedding dresses and bridesmaid dresses which can then be hired out from a special shop in the grounds of the Home. 

“Not only does this help to raise funds for the Home it also provides an affordable option for locals trying to plan the wedding of their dreams.”

• Find out more about Westminster Weddings

2. Jireh Women

In 2010, 20 Scottish brides donated their wedding dresses to brides in Uganda.

Janice Jack from Edinburgh read about the plight of women in war-torn Uganda and got in touch with the charity Jireh Women to see how she could help. She said:

“The devastation caused in these girls’ lives is the main reason why we want to send them out dresses, not just because it is a poor country.

“It’s really to say ‘you deserve better’ – a wedding day is a new start for them.”

• Read more about Edinburgh brides to donate wedding dresses to Africa

If you’re interested in donating your dress, take a look at the Jireh Women website where it says:

“Thank you to everyone who so generously donated their wedding dresses to Jireh Women. We have now collected all the dresses and shipped them off to Uganda. 

“The ladies are so excited and are busy preparing the ‘hire shop’. They currently have 5 brides to be on a waiting list to hire them. You have made a difference!”

Email carol@jirehwomen.co.uk or tel: 01257 266155 or 07889 757045

Photo courtesy of Becky Matthews – see more of Becky’s fantastic photos of the Ugandan weddings

3. Zambia brides

The next venture we stumbled across is run by Berkshire-based Abi Parker. Abi has set up a wedding dress hire shop in Lusaka, the capital of Zambia.

It offers employment for local women and provides a great service for women hoping to be married in a proper wedding dress.

The fee for hiring a dress will help fund Abi’s Aids awareness project, A.S.A.P Africa, as well as a local training scheme which teaches former prostitutes skills to help them to earn an income.

• Find out more including how to get in touch with Abi on the Ribbons and Pearls website

4. The Liberian Wedding Dress Project

Reverend Louise R Collins and Liberian Ambassador Alpha Bird Collins launched The Liberian Wedding Dress Project on their own wedding day.

The groom wanted to take pre-loved wedding gowns to his war-torn homeland – where wedding dresses can cost up to a year’s wages – and his bride was more than happy to support him in his quest.

They say: “Basically the idea is we take the dresses to Liberia where our local partners will loan them out to Liberian brides, for a small charge to cover cleaning and so on.”

Dresses can be dropped off at St Cuthbert’s Church, on Barnsley Road, any Sunday morning, and donations can be made payable to Action Love Liberia and sent to St Cuthbert’s Vicarage, 7 Horndean Road, Sheffield, S5 6UJ.

Call Louise and Alpha on 0114 261 1605 for more information.

• Read Groom’s wedding dresses caused bit of an ‘I do’ in the Sheffield Telegraph

5. Blessed Brides

This project of the Ummah Welfare Trust (UWT) charity takes unwanted or unused wedding dresses to brides in India, Bangladesh and Pakistan who cannot afford the luxuries of a wedding day.

The Trust identifies the regions where assistance is most needed. They say:

“Our team work closely with UWT to verify the extent of need for each case. If financial need is greater then we will endeavour to sell your bridal dress to specifically fund the wedding. Otherwise the bridal dress will be presented to the bride. Ultimately you will have contributed towards the completion of a successful wedding.

“Furthermore we encourage the new bride to share the blessings and pass on dresses to others in need. In this case, your donation could be making not one, but many dreams come true!”

• Find out more about Blessed Brides

If you know of a project that donates pre-loved wedding dresses to women who otherwise wouldn’t be able to afford one (perhaps even here in the UK?) please add details in the comment box below.

Katie

We offered our tips but would love to hear from couples who have used charity gift lists about their experience as well as from other charities who would be willing to comment on the process of setting up a gift list and how easy (or otherwise) they are to manage.

While some couples will just ask for donations that they can then pass on to their chosen charity themselves the online charity gift list is becoming more and more popular – perhaps because it then makes the donation a ‘proper’ wedding gift.

Although there are those who rail against the rigidity of a gift list, many guests do welcome it – it makes sure they don’t buy the same item as somebody else, they can buy something they know the couple needs, or – with the charity gift list – they can make a donation happy in the knowledge that the couple would not have set up such a list if it was not what they wanted.

To look at just 2 examples, you can see the NSPCC gift list here (they also offer wedding favours), and Oxfam’s Unwrapped list here.

Alternatively there are sites such as Give It that feature a number of charities which couples can choose from – so one possibility for small charities would be to join a list like this if they didn’t have the resources to set one up themselves.

We would love to hear your thoughts on the charity gift list. To find out what other couples have already been saying on the subject, see the topics in our Forum: Ethical wedding gifts? and Wedding list rage.

For instance, it would be interesting to hear if anyone else has been told they are, ‘…a bit selfish in denying people the pleasure of buying us a gift‘!

Katie

Jasvinder Sanghera, a forced marriage survivor who set up the first national helpline for UK victims and whose campaigning led to the development of the UK’s Forced Marriage Act, is working with the global children’s charity Plan UK to help highlight the plight of child brides.

The Take the Vow petition is part of Because I am a Girl, the charity’s campaign for the rights and education of girls in poorer parts of the world.  According to a new report ‘Breaking Vows’, 1 in seven under-15-year-old girls in the world’s poorest countries become child brides who are then at a higher risk of dropping out of school and early death in child birth.

Take the Vow now

Through their petition, Plan UK is calling on Lynne Featherstone MP, the UK’s International Violence against Women Champion, to press for more global attention and action on this issue.

• Add your voice to the Take the Vow petition here

Take The Vow Animation

What next?

Find out more about the Because I am a Girl campaign

Katie

If running Ethical Weddings has taught us anything, it’s that when one bride asks a question, many more are thinking it so here is our answer for all brides who love to wear pre-loved.

Ethical Weddings Directory

Among our Ethical Weddings suppliers, Swoon Wedding Gowns and Oxfam Bridal both have great secondhand wedding dresses.

Charity shop chic

It’s also worth letting your local charity shops know that you’re on the lookout for a secondhand dress (size, style, price range and so on) so that they can get in touch if something suitable comes in.

Here is a selection of UK charity shops with bridalwear departments.

Ebay bridalwear

Other brides have turned to ebay for their dress – see these stories that all feature ebay wedding dresses:

A very vintage wedding

Vintage wedding dresses are another stylish option.

This Q&A mentions The Vintage Wedding Dress Company in London

And you could also take a look at this guide to tracking down the perfect vintage wedding gown.

We hope these tips help you find the secondhand wedding dress of your dreams.  Maybe you could even pass it on again after the big day?

What next?

• Talk to other brides and grooms in the Ethical Weddings Forum
• Sign up for our Ethical Weddings monthly newsletter

Katie

Do what?

Launch the first National Wedding day!

Sunday 1 August is the big day and of course it’s all for a good cause, supporting Ethical Weddings member, the NSPCC’s ‘Celebrate and Give’ campaign.

To tell you more, here’s our Wedding Fairy:

Yes Ladies and Gents, it’s time to dust down your wedding dress, dry clean the morning suit and re-live your big day all over again. Whoever said a girl only gets to wear the dress of her dreams once was lying because now you get to embrace and rejoice in the moment you said, ‘I do’ every 12 months and it’s all for an incredible cause!

National Wedding Day is a chance to celebrate the most sensational day of your life. It doesn’t matter whether you were married 10 years ago, are getting hitched tomorrow or even in 2012, this is your chance to celebrate your wedding day while at the same time reaching out and helping vulnerable children across the UK.

What can you do?

It’s entirely up to you.  But the NSPCC has come up with 5 fun suggestions:

1) Hold a party and charge an entry fee or put a price on food and drink.

Here are some ideas for themes:

• recreate your honeymoon, stag or hen do
• invite all your wedding guests to a barbecue
• have a trial run of your wedding day
• if you’re already married you could recreate your wedding day
• remake ‘The Wedding Singer’ with karaoke or even a live band.

2) Hold a wedding auction

• sell your wedding dress, shoes or bridesmaids’ dresses to the highest bidder
• find homes for any unwanted presents or things you just don’t use anymore.

3) Have a wedding cake sale

• hold a wedding cake sale
• invite your friends for a wedding-themed tea party
• for guests not interested in cake, try cheese instead.

4) Look to the future

If your wedding is coming up, why not use the NSPCC’s personalised wedding favour cards instead of sugared almonds? Or use NSPCC donation cards so your guests can make a donation to the NSPCC instead of buying you gifts.

5) Something simple

A great way to raise money is simply to set up an online fundraising page and ask your friends and family to donate online to the NSPCC. You can easily set up a page at JustGiving.

It doesn’t matter what you do, the important bit is to raise as much cash as you can for the NSPCC while you’re doing it.

National Wedding Day launches on Sunday 1 August 2010 - the most popular day of the year to tie the knot in the UK – and related fundraising events and shenannigans will be going on throughout  the month of August.

Find out more about the NSPCC’s ‘Celebrate and Give’ Campaign and tell us how you plan to celebrate National Wedding Day by leaving a comment below or dropping George an email at george@theweddingfairy.tv

Happy National Wedding Day!

Katie

Weddings are such an expensive business, she said, ‘I just want at least one bit of the expense to go somewhere where it can do some good’ – and she thought she would probably donate the dress back again after the big day.

Obviously my friend knows I run Ethical Weddings but as a rule I don’t preach to my nearest and dearest so it was lovely to hear that we shared the same views.

She hasn’t found ‘the dress’ yet though so if you’re in London or Sussex and see a fab wedding dress in a charity shop (size 8-10 – although could be taken in if bigger) let us know and we’ll track it down. And if you’re able to send us a pic, all the better!

Happy dress hunting,

Katie