Not least when it comes to our attire.

Neither of us is comfortable in a dress or skirt, so it seems daft to wear one on our special day.

And we are carefully avoiding anything reminiscent of the traditionally defined bride / groom colours. (I don’t relish those ‘So which of you is the man?’ conversations, so we certainly don’t want to start any speculation on that score!)

We definitely want something special, though, that won’t look like an office suit in the photos. We have both looked longingly at glittering embroidered fabrics, intricate Indian jodhpuri, and even some awe-inspiring ‘mother of the bride’ jackets!

But we have both been put off by the lack of fairtrade fabrics available and the enormous expense of getting something made, when we would probably only wear it the once.

Finally, our old favourites, the charity shops and secondhand markets, have come up trumps.

This weekend we found two complementary long jackets, which will make marvelous frock coats. Now we are on the look out for a couple of crisp white shirts and some suitably fabulous fabric to be worn at the the neck, cravat-style. Another fine excuse for some more charity-shopping
And how does it look? Just dandy!

In particular, options for ethical clothing are very limited compared to what’s available in the UK. I had the idea of getting a jacket made locally, but I haven’t been able to find much in the way of fairtrade / organic fabrics.

So, I am thinking that ‘op shops’ (= charity shops / thrift shops) might be my best source for clothes, decorations like candle holders, and some practical items like platters, servers, and jugs.

It would be very representative of ‘the real us’ as we buy a lot of our clothes from op shops, and a lot of our household purchases are secondhand – online auctions, furniture salvage warehouses and boot sales are always a lot more fun than out-of-town discount stores! Sooner or later I will muster the courage I need to challenge myself to buy nothing new for a year

I like to think that by buying second hand I am preventing usable items from going to landfill and saving the resources and energy that would be needed to make a new equivalent (as well as supporting a local charity).

But I can’t help wondering if it’s all just a bit too easy? Are there any ethical considerations I’ve overlooked? Perhaps there are items I should avoid buying, even second-hand? Please leave a note if you have any thoughts or resources about this!

We did hope it would be that simple. Call around a few churches and community groups, and find one with a pleasant enough hall which can fit about 60 guests (current estimate) for our party in Australia.

Ah, how wrong we were.

We were full of hope for the community halls, which were pretty enough in the promotional pictures. However, most turned out to be senior citizens day care centres, complete with stark strip lighting and a light scent of boiled cabbage. And for reasons we probably don’t need to go into, the religious-owned centres were’t an option for us.

It seemed that we would have to plump for a commercially owned option – a hotel, pub or functions hall. Of course, they all have exclusive catering arrangements. So, little choice as to where the food comes from, perhaps more difficulty meeting gluten-free, kosher and vegan requirements… and the budget has to be tripled.

But finally, we found it! A small sports club in a nearby suburb has a function room complete with stage, private bar and dance floor. We shall work our magic with balloons and fairy lights, and transform it into a romantic fairy-tale!

Well, perhaps not, but I think it will be perfect for us. We’re very pleased to be supporting a community organisation through the modest rental fee, and it even has a pool table (which is on our ‘nice to have’ list) just down in the main bar.

So, having booked a cottage for our UK party, we now have venues for both parties where we can effectively ‘do our own thing’ in terms of decorations and catering. And there we have the NEXT challenges!

Is it the same as marriage?

What if we don’t get a chance to say “I do” or exchange vows when we register our partnership? Is it still a ‘wedding’?

If you compare Civil Partnership with the common idea of a wedding, it’s hard to ignore how much our expectations of marriage are shaped by historical and religious hand-me-downs.

This gets me thinking. What does marriage mean? And what do we WANT it to mean? I think that as notions of marriage change, these are the challenging questions that everyone needs to face if they are thinking about tying the knot.

But for G and me, it’s a great thing. People don’t have expectations about the proper way to celebrate a same-sex marriage. (Though the events marketing people will soon tell us all, I’m sure!)

So G and I don’t need to worry whether guests might expect a sit down dinner for 200 and lavishly decked out venue… we can focus on designing a celebration that represents the life we want to share.

What we want is pretty simple; an occasion for us and our guests to reconnect and relax. G is very creative, and I’m pretty good at organising stuff, so I’m fairly confident that we can plan a fun event which doesn’t involve excessive consumption or unethical buying choices.

We can plan our day to make use of things we’ve got, or can borrow from friends to reduce the cost and the waste… and best of all, we get to design our own special day.

“We’re getting Civilly Partnered!

Or should that be ‘Civil Partnershipped’? Hmm, maybe ‘hitched’? Oh, what the heck…

We’re getting MARRIED!!

This declaration is often met with blank looks here in Australia, where we are living at the moment. Same-sex unions haven’t yet reached this part of the world yet!

So, to clarify, we will technically be “registering as Civil Partners”, thanks to the UK’s more enlightened policies. (But I’m afraid if the government can’t come up with a more convenient phrase I’m going to stick with “married”!)

The date is set and the venue is booked! Impressed? So are we! I guess that’s what you get when there are two brides-to-be!

There are still plenty of decisions to make and lots to be organised; the outfits, the meal, the entertainments, the gift register and of course the honeymoon! The challenge is on to organise a great event which doesn’t do too much damage to our financial wellbeing, the environment, or our social consciences.

Check back again soon to find out how we go about this… And if you have any ideas then get in touch, because we sure haven’t worked it out yet! ”

Thanks Surfer Chicks! And apologies to anyone who was hoping to find this post here yesterday, as promised in our newsletter.  Unfortunately, the blogging software had temporarily seized up and didn’t want us to post! Back in action now though…

Happy planning!

Katie
ethicalweddings.com

…that way we can be a bit different and toast that momentous moment after which there was no going back!

But what did you do, or did you do anything at all? In our latest newsletter, we’re asking for your opinions on ‘V’ Day… what do you reckon? Reclaim the romance or dismiss it as commercial rubbish? Tell us your thoughts in the Forum.

Elsewhere, we are very pleased to welcome two new bloggers to the Ethical Weddings blog: read the profile of our ‘Surfer Chicks’, who are planning an ethical civil partnership on the south coast, and of Jenny, our bride from Berkshire, who got engaged at Everest base camp!

And don’t forget to check in again tomorrow, when you can read the Surfer Chicks’ first post.

Happy planning!

Katie
ethicalweddings.com

Celebrant Belinda Chapman of Light on Life works from Arka Eco-Funerals in Brighton and from nearby Lewes. She got in touch to see how Light on Life might be able to work with Ethical Weddings and I was keen to meet her, not least to find out exactly what being a celebrant involves…

EW: Nice to meet you Belinda. I’m really intrigued by what you do. We’re meeting in an Eco-Funeral parlour but you’re interested in Ethical Weddings. Can you tell me exactly what it is a celebrant does?

BC: My main job as a celebrant is to create ceremonies for all life events. Those occasions that mark beginnings, transitions and endings in our lives. Each ceremony is designed to meet the individual’s needs.

EW: Is this the same idea as having a Humanist ceremony?

BC: It isn’t, that is a common misconception actually. Humanism has a clear set of beliefs and a Humanist ceremony would not have any religious elements at all. As an independent celebrant, I can make the ceremony suit the people at the centre of it whether this involves no religious reference, a combination of different beliefs (if the couple getting married were from different religious backgrounds, for example) or an emphasis on the green and ethical issues which are more and more a part of our lives – as you have found with Ethical Weddings.

EW: And as a celebrant, are you able to perform the legal side of a wedding ceremony?

BC: Not at present – a Registrar would still need to contract the marriage or civil partnership – and I often work with one. However, I am in the process of setting up an association of independent celebrants (there are about 30 of us in the UK at the moment) so that as a body we can lobby for the right to legally contract a marriage or civil partnership – we had our first meeting in March.

EW: And why did you decide to be a celebrant – where did the idea come from?

BC: As your idea for Ethical Weddings was a result of your own wedding, sadly, for me the path to becoming a celebrant stemmed from my mother’s funeral 3 years ago. I was not happy with the funeral, it did not seem to reflect her life, and I thought: if only there was someone to help with this when you were at your most vulnerable, to draw out all the good things and make it an occasion for celebrating and remembering. And it was after this that I began my research into becoming a celebrant.

EW: How did your previous experience qualify you for this role?

BC: I came from a performing background – theatre, TV, radio and community theatre – and was involved in Lanternhouse International [a theatre company started over 25 years ago to create 'poetic, daring, visually stunning, emotionally arresting works of participative and celebratory arts and performance']. I attended their ‘Rites of Passage’ course looking at ceremony and ritual with artists and performers, and now teach on these courses myself.

EW: And where do your clients come from – what are they looking for when they get in touch with you?

BC: The circumstances are different in each case – I have done ceremonies in a front room, on a beach, in a hotel – although more and more people are looking for the greener options such as the eco funeral we offer at Arka or a green wedding, such as one I did in Lewes recently in a field with all the food sourced locally.

At first, people came to me through word of mouth, friends of family and friends of friends. They wanted a ceremony that wasn’t just about tradition or the way things had always been done, but that was about them, that reflected who they were and the lives they led. I talk everything through with the family or couple and find out what is important to them and from that I create the ceremony – through songs, poetry, literature, whatever they choose. Before the Civil Partnerships were introduced I created ceremonies for many same sex couples – although now many are opting to go via the Registrar only.

EW: And what do you find you do more of, weddings or funerals?

BC: In the last 12 months it has mostly been funerals – people are increasingly interested in the idea of the eco coffin and leaving as small a footprint as possible on the earth when we leave it.

But I am very keen to develop the wedding side and hope to get the word out through Ethical Weddings. The latest development is to open a ceremony shop in Lewes – and to make the service and products on offer as green as they can be!

EW: Best of luck with that, Belinda. And I’m looking forward to working with you through Ethical Weddings!

If you want to get in touch with Belinda about your ceremony or celebration, visit Light on Life or click here – she will be more than happy to hear from you.

Take care,

Katie
ethicalweddings.com

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