Even though our posts aren’t coming quite as thick and fast as they once did – the inevitable result of new small child-shaped duties and related sleep deprivation – they liked the mix of real life ethical wedding stories and issue updates (the latest on conflict diamonds for example).

If you’re planning your ethical and green wedding at this very moment why not become an EW blogger and share your experiences? Then when you hit an ethical wedding dilemma you’ve an audience of brides and grooms on tap ready to help you out. Drop us an email to get involved.

A new ethical bride will be joining us very soon… watch this space.

And thanks again to You & Your Wedding for the blog love!

Katie

Why an ethical wedding?

We aren’t big consumers in our personal lives, so we didn’t want a wedding that created a huge carbon footprint. We’re mindful of most of the issues, and it seemed natural to us to question a lot of the traditional aspects of weddings that create so much unnecessary waste and expenditure.

What was the most difficult bit?

The biggest difficulty was that most of my family live in Australia, but we live in London and most of our friends live here too.  A way around all our family flying over here is that we have two weddings – one in the UK and one in Australia. That obviously increased the budget and our carbon footprint!

What were the best bits?

Pre-loved jewellery
My engagement ring came from Gray’s Antique Market in Bond St, and it’s a beautiful 1920s platinum ring. Mark bought me some antique pearls from the same place as a wedding present and Mark’s ring was found in an antique store as well – a very romantic platinum band with engraved flowers all around it.

My wedding ring is a 1930s platinum eternity band from a second hand dealer in Portobello Market, and I found my rhinestone earrings in another shop in the market. We got all of our rings engraved with our wedding and engagement dates, but we just loved that they were pre-loved – we think it’s incredibly romantic and also we’re thrilled with the classic designs.

The best presents EVER
Because we were travelling through Asia on the way to our Australian wedding, we asked our guests to buy us intangible presents. They could choose to buy us a vegan dinner on our trip, an experience like a yoga class, or they could donate to a local project, like an orphanage in Bali. One friend even bought us a gift voucher to Kiva – so we could lend to an entrepreneur in a developing country.

The honeymoon
On our honeymoon we stayed in small eco resorts, family run hotels, yoga retreats and an awesome hotel in Singapore that served salads for breakfast.  Part of our honeymoon was even spent doing a fasting retreat in a yoga centre!

The lovely venue
We found a gorgeous old Tudor house and barn which is run by an education trust that puts on gardening workshops for children and young offenders.

We got married in the barn and then because of our beautiful summer’s day we had most of the afternoon reception outdoors, in the Tudor garden and orchards, playing cricket and having picnics on the grass. We hardly needed any decorations because the barn already had fairy lights and a huge vaulted wooden ceiling. Outside there were lovely fruit orchards and hedges, so we just got a few flowers to decorate tables for the evening.

Our venue in Australia was the local surf club, so we got “married” again on the beach – no decorations needed.  We just used green apples in fish bowls with some green foliage on the tables with a few flowers.

A summer picnic
During the day, the vegans and raw foodists had fresh fruit and raw vegan chocolate brownies, made by Charlie’s Raw Treats.

We found a local brewery, which supplied biodegradable cases of beer as well as zero-carbon water from Belu (we couldn’t have tap water at the venue). Everything else was recycled afterwards.

In the evening, while the carnivores had locally-grown lamb and vegetables, the veggies, vegans and raw foodists had a fabulous creation of raw lasagne (from a Russell James recipe), and then a specially made dessert of raw chocolate brownie, raw lemon cheesecake and berries.

A nice side effect
Although we were both interested in green issues before we got married, going on a raw vegan diet had a welcome side effect for both of us. I lost over 7kgs (two dress sizes) just by cutting out dairy and meat, and Mark lost a bunch of weight too. By the time the wedding came around, we felt so much healthier and had so much more energy while we were travelling on our honeymoon.

Fashion
I know it doesn’t sound very eco but I had more than one dress… hear me out!
I got a big traditional dress second-hand off EBay, and a slinkier dress to wear later and to take to Australia. Both of these dresses have been sold again to Ebay, so hopefully someone else will wear them and love them too. I made my own headpiece, and found an antique paper umbrella from Greenwich markets.

We recycled the bridesmaids’ dresses from the first wedding for the second one in the UK. Thank god they worked on all four girls!

How did it go on the day?

It was just such a chilled day, and it was so fab having my mum, little brother and uncle over from Australia. Thank god the weather was good. It’s always a gamble in the UK, even in summer. We were panicking because we didn’t really have a plan B – we would have all had to be jammed into the barn.

The sun meant that we could play around in the sunshine, and everyone was relaxed and happy. The live local jazz band really added to the day too.

The venue provided an archery range, we had giant Jenga, and a big cricket game broke out between the Aussies and the Brits. All in all, it wasn’t the most expensive or complicated wedding – but it was truly spectacular!

Getting married on the beach at the Australian wedding was amazing, we could even see whales on the horizon. The funniest thing was at the end of the night – we reused the apple decorations to play a game with all the guests.

Top tips for an ethical and green wedding

• Don’t beat yourself up
  Some things will feel easy to make eco – and others will feel hard. Do the best you can do, but don’t worry if you don’t get absolutely everything right. I felt like I had to compromise on some things to keep my groom happy, but I was happy with most of the actions we took.
• Minimise the unimportant
  Ignore the things like party favours on tables (nobody will miss them) or cake boxes (we had just ten just in case). If you are printing programmes or menus, not everyone needs a copy. As long as there is good food and drink – people don’t care about anything else!
• Go secondhand
  There are so many gorgeous wedding dresses on EBay that have been worn only for a couple of days. You can find bridesmaids dresses, shoes, and all sorts of decorations that other more zealous brides feel like they couldn’t do without. You can benefit!
  Secondhand jewellery is also extremely romantic and if you go for a classic design, it will look brand new.
• Don’t be afraid to ask!
  When we first met our caterer, both of us were carnivores – by the time our taste testing rolled around Mark was mostly vegetarian and I was a raw vegan foodist! I was embarrassed at first to ask to change the menu to include a raw option – even though we were paying for it (and I used to be an event planner!). The caterer was totally fine with it, and very intrigued about making a raw lasagne.
• Finally – make it fun and totally YOUR DAY
  Don’t worry about what everyone else thinks you “should” have – and make it as personal as you want. There aren’t any rules anymore!

About Denise
Denise is the creator of Raw Brides – a website for women who want to look fabulous for their big day and beyond by eating a natural, whole foods diet and changing their mindset about how they feel about their bodies. You can find out more and also download a free ebook from www.rawbrides.com

Seasonal wedding flowers

The church was beautiful, we found a florist who was a friend of my parents, and who was sympathetic to our green ideas.

She sourced flowers and greenery as seasonally as possible, including some raided from my parents’ garden the previous day (!), and also made up some planters of growing flowers and herbs that we took away to keep afterwards.  The results were stunning.

A very personal wedding ceremony

Our church wedding was fantastic too.  As we are both Christians, the spiritual aspect of marriage was really important to us, so getting married in church was particularly special.

The service was wonderful – our friend and university chaplain led the service so he was able to tailor it to us quite a lot (his address to the congregation after the marriage involved Bagpuss!) – and as there is quite a lot of choice about what wording to use for the marriage service, and which readings (Bible or not) and music to use, the whole thing felt very personal.

We entered the church to the Beatles’ ‘Here comes the sun’ in the end, very happy! We involved friends and family in leading the readings, prayers and music too, which was lovely.  We exchanged wedding rings from Cred (who really impressed us), and our little ‘engagement ring’ trees made it along to the church too as decorations.  And we made our own service sheets (using Evolve recycled printer paper), including our story in them.

Snap happy guests

After the ceremony we did a big photo session in the pretty churchyard, with my keen amateur photographer uncle doing the ‘posed’ photos, and the rest of our photos taken by the guests who then posted their digital photos on to us.

It worked out really well, despite what you hear about how you must get in a professional.  With so many people doing your photos you are bound to have a fantastic selection of shots, and they covered different groups of guests, as well as getting some fantastic informal pics to add to the posed ones.

Homemade confetti

We had made our own confetti the previous summer, by drying rose petals in the oven and storing them in warm, dark and dry boxes. We decorated the boxes we stored it in with some shiny red paper from Oxfam (again – they did well out of us!) to make pretty serving boxes to pass round for guests to pick out handfuls from.  And it was so beautiful, the colours were preserved really well.

The cherry tree in the churchyard decided to add to our confetti and showered us with blossom as soon as we stepped out of the church, which was VERY cute.  It made a wonderful backdrop to the photos too.

Love,

Helen and Mike

It was an amazing and beautiful day. The wedding party began to arrive the day before, and we put the finishing touches to the decorations and food that could be done in advance. In the evening, we had a small family/wedding party celebration, and then Mike and our best man went to stay the night with friends.

The wedding day began with grey skies and a forecast of rain… but as we started preparing, the clouds began to clear, and the day turned hot and sunny!

Mike, his family and the ushers set about decorating the village hall for the reception with pot plants, a photo montage of silly pictures of us as kids, our lovely red and blue fairtrade balloons and the bunting we borrowed.

Here come the girls

Meanwhile, my bridesmaids and I spent the morning making sure the right decorations went to the right venue, and getting pretty!

They had all bought/ brought their own dresses after I’d given them a colour sample, to make sure they all got a dress they liked and that suited them, so it was quite exciting to see all the dresses together.

They looked fantastic together, each in a slightly different shade of cherry red, it was lovely. To coordinate their outfits we had bought them each a ‘vegetable ivory’ pendant from DeMEC, who sell beautiful fairtrade jewellery, and I made them some little hair fascinators to wear.

I’d had to buy some new makeup from BBoheme since I don’t have very much, but other than that we just used what we already had, plus a bit of swapping and sharing.

And soon it was time to head over to the village hall, once the men were safely out of the way over at the church (we didn’t want to spoil the surprise of seeing one another in wedding clothes before the ceremony).

Green groom in vintage brown

Mike found his suit on Ebay, an awesome brown vintage 1970s suit, complete with flares, which suits him perfectly. Coupled with a really smart shirt and cherry red tie, both found in charity shops, he looked amazing. The ushers had brought their own suits, but we gave them coordinating ties and buttonholes.

Oxfam Bridal to the rescue

I found my dress in Oxfam Bridal in Leicester, the first bridal shop I went in (though I went in another afterwards, just to make sure!). It was beautiful, a vintage style dress with a simple lacy overlay on it, for which I borrowed an underskirt from a recently married friend.

I know I’ve gone on and on about Oxfam Bridal, but I was so impressed I’m going to recommend it again! And I managed to find some shoes in the exact same style as the dress somehow on Oxfam’s online shop. Pretty fortunate!

I wore the dress with an antique lace veil that has been in Mike’s family for generations, which was really special. I also managed to find this pretty necklace in a charity shop too. So we had fun putting the outfits together!

I’ll post again soon on the rest of the day,

Love, Helen

I’d like to share my ideas with you – brides and grooms trying to plan a wedding less ordinary – and see what you think.  How has it been for you?  What have been the challenges? What have been the triumphs? If you were starting again, would you go for a green wedding again?

Have a read… and let us have your comments.  Here goes:

Back in 2004 when we were planning our own wedding and planting the first seeds for the Ethical Weddings website we asked people what they thought of the idea of a green or ethical wedding (limiting environmental impact, choosing products and services that give something back: fair trade, organic, local). The usual response was: won’t that be more expensive?

Fast forward 5 years and into one deep, dark recession you’d expect that misconception to have landed the green wedding squarely in the compost bin.

Not so. Because the bevy of ethical brides and green grooms who have trod lightly down the aisle since have shown us that if you’re after a green wedding less really is more. It’s a perfect match for the make do and mend spirit revived by our current crunch.
As we all cut back, the big star-for-a-day, broke-ever-after wedding is going down.

Something borrowed

There’s no longer any shame in sharing (something borrowed?) or secondhand – just type ‘wedding’ into your local Freecycle site and you’ll find brides and mothers-of seeking and offering wedding gowns, bridesmaid dress patterns, cake stands, and more. And don’t forget the rage for all things vintage which makes a charity shop wedding gown the ultimate in eco chic.

DIY weddings

In the effort to curb costs, couples discover doing-it-yourself can be a lot of fun and bring family and friends together. Blogger brides on the Ethical Weddings website suggest tips on everything from grow-your-own bridal flowers to cooking up the wedding breakfast. As Henriette says of catering for her 40-guest wedding:

“It was all down to good planning (yes, I had made a spreadsheet!) and choosing food which could nearly all be made a day in advance. […] it was a great success with food far better than we ever would have been able to pay for if we had hired caterers. And it was a lovely thing for our families to do together.”

Meanwhile, Jenny grew daffs, crocuses and primroses in her garden. These “…made great table and floor decorations which are living on in gardens and conservatories.”

Green brides don’t mind getting their hands dirty!

Ethical and green wedding experts

DIY done, it’s time to turn to the growing number of ethical and green wedding specialists for your nuptial needs – whether that’s organic, handcrafted chocolate favours, a pre-loved, re-fashioned wedding dress or perhaps a rickshaw to get you to the church on time. They won’t add ££s at the whisper of the word ‘wedding’ but will work with your budget to help create the wedding of your dreams without compromising your values.

Loving local

Support local suppliers too – even if they’re not yet waving the green flag. You may find them willing to consider fresh ideas in difficult times. Ethical Weddings blogger, Emma says:

“We’ve found that so many people are willing to change details of their standard products to fit in with our ethics – you just need to ask. Joy [wedding cake maker] is a great example. She’d been wanting to “go ethical” and just needed someone to ask her to do it.

A wedding to remember

It seems the slump has made us more careful about if and how we use our hard-earned cash. We’re getting down with DIY and spending with businesses that share our values. The payoff? A more personal and memorable day for us and a little something back for our poor put-upon planet.

The green wedding is here to stay!

Katie

The couple: Sarah Irving and Marc Hudson
Wedding date: 27 September 2008
Venue and location: Manchester Registry Office and Manchester Bridge Club
Approx budget: £3500

What inspired you to have an ethical wedding?
I’ve been involved in environmental and human rights campaigning since my mid-teens, including spending time doing human rights accompaniment in the Middle East and working in social and environmental journalism.

Marc works in the NHS and is very involved in local and national climate change campaigning and education.

So an ethical wedding was always the only option for us – we wouldn’t have been comfortable with anything that didn’t reflect our values. Both our immediate families were very much in sympathy with this.

We were working to a pretty small budget so we wanted to keep consumption to a minimum, and this fitted in with our environmental values too. Both of us preferred not to have a big wedding list – we’d been living together for several years, and didn’t feel we could justify getting loads of new ‘stuff’.

Instead we opted for a small list of a few things that we did need around the house, for people who were happiest getting us a conventional wedding present, and asked everyone else to donate to an environmental charity or to a youth theatre project in Palestine.

What was the most difficult part about organising an ethical or green wedding?
Finding a venue that allowed us to use our own caterers, but also had reasonable kitchen facilities.

We originally booked a local church hall, which was perfect, until about 6 weeks before the wedding they announced that their building work was going to over-run and they couldn’t guarantee that the new concrete floor would have set in time! I nearly had a heart attack.

But then we remembered Manchester Bridge Club, which doesn’t advertise itself as a wedding venue but does host functions, and we’d organised benefit events there before so there were links to our everyday lives, which was quite nice.

What was the most fun bit?
For me, getting married in a lovely little gold dress which made me feel fantastic but which I’d got for a tenner in a second hand warehouse on Oldham Street in Manchester’s ‘up and coming’ (read: still a bit dodgy) Northern Quarter.

For Marc, probably getting to wind me up about what surname I’d be using after the Big Day…

How did it go on the day?
Great. Our caterers, GreenPlate were incredibly helpful and took so much off my hands.

But Marc’s best man, Dave, was an absolute Godsend, and completely saved the day when it came to the cake.

I’d ordered 100 vegan, organic chocolate brownies from On The 8th Day, our local ethical co-operative grocers, and at about 4 in the afternoon, sitting on a lounger in a hotel spa on my hen day, wearing a terry robe and swimsuit, I realised that I’d forgotten to pick them up that morning. But one phone call and all was solved… what a star.

What would be your 5 top tips for brides and grooms planning an ethical wedding?

• Accept offers of help, but find people single, clear tasks to do that fit their skills – if your mate really ‘gets’ organic food or second-hand clothes, sign her up for help on that.
• Find suppliers who will talk to you and listen to what you want; our caterers were just great at talking through what was important to us in terms of organics, local food, fair trade and so on, and working out how best to meet our aspirations within our budget.
• If you’re just looking for a reception venue and don’t need it to have a marriage ceremony license, look for places that don’t advertise themselves for weddings – they’re often cheaper and more flexible in their terms.
• Most mainstream wedding venues really don’t ‘get’ ethical food. This is likely to be one of the biggest expenditures of the day and to use up the most resources, so if you really want to keep things ethical find a local independent caterer who understands what you’re looking for, or use a venue which specialises in this kind of thing.
  The Vegetarian Society and Soil Association have good national listings for vegetarian and organic caterers, hotels, function rooms, and so on.
• Have fun! What’s really more important – matching your seat covers to your napkins, or spending a really special day, not stressed out to insanity, surrounded by the people you love most, and enjoying it?

Sarah Irving is a freelance writer – read about Sarah’s work at www.sarahirving.net

Henriette and John have taken time out from their wedding planning schedule to share a few details from their big (or small!) day…

The couple: Henriette and John
Wedding date: 30 May 2009
Venue and location: Parents’ garden, Denmark

What inspired you to have an ethical wedding?
I have never wanted a princess wedding and I have always had a very untraditional view of special occasions.

My fiancé and I always agreed that we didn’t want a large wedding and that our dream wedding was a BBQ with close family and friends.

As I am Danish and my fiancé is British we will be having a bi-national and bi-lingual wedding. From early on I wished to have the wedding in my parents’ garden. Neither of us is religious and the local authorities where my parents live do not do wedding ceremonies outside the very ugly town hall built in the ’70s. So we have agreed on a humanist ceremony.

As our wedding is already going to be very untraditional and we already live in a fairly ethically conscious way it seemed natural to try and incorporate these ethical ideas into the wedding.

Also the whole princess wedding and spending so much money and resources on a party makes me feel very uncomfortable.

What has been the most difficult bit so far?
The most difficult part has been to get over the green guilt and just accept that it won’t be squeaky-clean green but that we are doing our best.

Another difficulty is planning a wedding in Denmark while being in the UK. But lots of things can be found over the internet and of course I have my parents and family to take care of many things.

Having the wedding in Denmark poses some extra problems when trying to do it green. Denmark is a much smaller and less diverse country than the UK. Organic and fair trade products and food are available but there is much less to choose from and it is more expensive than over here.

But getting over the green guilt and just remembering that we never wanted our wedding to be perfect helps a lot. We are just going to have to do our best and compromise when needed.

What has been the most fun bit so far?
I really enjoy planning stuff and this has been no exception. It has been great getting inspiration, coming up with ideas and creating stuff from scratch.

Also involving other people in doing things for the wedding that they are good at has provided me with much joy. For example, my sister loves making cards and to see her having so much fun designing and making our invitations was one of the top moments so far.

What are your top tips for brides and grooms planning an ethical wedding?
1. Enjoy the planning process; it can actually be really fun.
2. Don’t give in to the green guilt, every little thing you do helps.
3. Involve those close to you but don’t pressure anyone else into being green.

Thank you Henriette and John! We look forward to reading your first post very soon.

Katie

He started talking, as he often does, about having babies, to which I replied there would be no babies until a) he stopped smoking b) we were married. He thought about it for a while and then said, “so shall we get married then?” and I said, “shut up”, and he said, “no really”, and I said “shut up” and he said, “no really” and that went on for a while.

When I realised he was serious I immediately made him phone his mother and tell her so he couldn’t back out the next day. Two months later, I have a ring and we have a venue and we even have a vague date. He now claims he was delirious when he asked, but the ring: she speaks otherwise!

The ring was the first big thing we wanted to do. It was obvious to both of us there would have to be an element of ethical-ness about the proceedings, and there was no way I was going to wear a ring of dubious provenance. We wandered around the Lanes looking in windows but nothing was inspiring us. The choice was vast, but no one appeared to be doing anything even slightly right-on.

I had a part-time job in a jewellers when I was studying (ha!) for my A levels so was well aware of the waste and pollution associated with the trade. A book I read recently about the spread of AIDS in Africa had also highlighted to me that supporting the gold and diamond industry was also to support human rights abuses which are not just as simple as one man in one mine having a hard time, but which radiate throughout all of society and impact upon us all.

As we looked I became increasingly uncomfortable with the idea of a whole new ring made just for me when there was so much already out there, so we started looking at second hand rings. Then I became even more uncomfortable with the price tags. It’s not that I’m tight with money, it’s just I’ve never really bought into the whole idea of retail therapy. Spending lots of money makes me really really stressed. Swapping and bargaining, on the other hand, is excellent fun.

So we were at a bit of an impasse, when my mother offered me her engagement ring from my father. They were divorced about 400 years ago, and it had been sitting in her jewellery box collecting dust since then.

It was bought in Hatton Garden some time in the 70s, so we have no way of finding out its history, but for us the balance is that we are not using any resources to create something new, or spending any money to create a demand, we are just using what is already there.

It turned out to the perfect solution. Neither of us had any worries about it being bad luck because of my parents failed marriage (is success only measured if you make it till death does you part?), it is shiny enough to appeal to my magpie-like tendencies, and it is the making of a new family heirloom which we can pass on to whichever of our children get married first. If Toby ever stops smoking, of course.

Sarah 
Rocks Magazine

If I could have chosen one place in the world to fall in love, it would have been Woodford Folk Festival. Living in Brisbane, Australia, since 2000 (and prior to that, Birmingham, England), I have been constantly enthralled by the beautiful surroundings of my favourite city. Just to the North of Brisbane, Woodford lies in the Sunshine Coast Hinterland, in view of the Glass House Mountains.

As editor of Soulshine, an Australian independent music website, I have been very much involved in the music scene since 2004. Woodford represents the highlight of the music year for many people in Australia, and it now has an added significance for me! Lachie and I met as we were volunteering together on the same festival bar, and we got together on December 30th, 2005. I must have known I was on to something, as I sent a midnight text message to everyone in my phone book, telling them I had met someone amazing!

Knowing I was moving to Melbourne to be with a sick friend just ten days later, we spent every minute together until the time came to say goodbye. By now we were well and truly in love, and spent the next two months spending hours and a small fortune staying in contact by phone. After moving back to Brisbane, Lachie moved to a house just 70 metres from mine, and our lives were shared from then on. So it was that in September 2007, when I had to return to England, that Lachlan found himself returning with me.

Lachie is a high school teacher, and little did I know that when he went to school, he was plotting with other teachers and teaching assistants how to pop the question. We had talked about it a little, feeling that marriage was our next logical step, and when our second anniversary came around, I hoped that he would seize the moment! However, it was midafternoon by the time we set off for the little town of Kirkby Lonsdale in Cumbria for our daytrip, and the sun was starting to set by the time we sat down on a bench overlooking ‘Ruskins View’. In fact, Lachie was so busy trying to find the right words that it was almost complete darkness when he actually proposed. What a relief!

Of course, it’s only once you’re a bride-to-be that you suddenly realise what that actually entails! My first few forays across the internet in search of ideas left me quite horrified and somewhat scared at what we were facing. We are pretty simple people, and although I don’t consider myself an eco-warrior (despite the dreadlocks!), I was appalled at how opulent and resource-hungry the wedding industry appears to be. Ironically, the more opulence we found, the more determined we became to have a simple, honest wedding that met our basic requirements to be a positive experience and eco-friendly.

In my next post, I’ll describe the arduous process of searching for the right venue.. and share the links to some of the places I found!

Em & Lachie are getting married in Cumbria this June and are keen to share some of their ethical wedding planning stories with us before the big day.

Knowing how diligent many of our ethical brides are, we fully approve of Em & Lachie’s top tip number 3:

‘…go easy on yourself! The guilt factor involved in choosing one less than perfectly eco and ethical friendly item can vastly overshadow all the good you do. If you find yourself getting upset, take a look at a regular wedding site and remember how much good you’re doing with your other choices!‘

Expect the first post in the next couple of days…and if you can’t wait, check out their full profile.

Can’t wait to read all about it…

Take care,

Katie
Chat with other couples in the Ethical Weddings Forum