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It was so exciting although the rest of the family got a bit bored by us poring over various websites to get ideas.

The plan so far is to use flowers that various members of the family have grown, but I’ve a feeling these will have to be supplemented by some bought in ones.  I spend as much of life outdoors as possible, which generally means my garden so this is a really important part of the planning for me.

Flower power?

As hard as I tried it proved difficult to find things that will be in flower at the end of May – it’s kind of in between Spring and Summer as far as flowers go…  Anyway, we’ll keep our fingers crossed with what we’ve got (late tulips, camassias, alliums, foxgloves if you’re interested).

Our venue will let us use any greenery from the woods, so that’s great.  We are visiting the local town in a few weeks, and are planning on checking out the florists, to see how helpful they are.  I had a look into other ethical flower suppliers, but the costs just added up (Graham said “Do we actually need flowers?”  I said “!!!!!!” I’m beginning to think he doesn’t know me so well after all…).

So, it may be that we end up with a lot of greenery, which is fine with me – I want things as natural as possible, and the place itself was smothered with wild flowers when we visited last year.

• High Crimes move

Episode list for Desperate Housewives film I do want a bouquet and flowers in my hair (I’m a bit of a hippy at heart) – not sure how foxgloves might do for those.  I’m trying now to relinquish control to my friend, but it’s hard!

Fair of heart

While we were visiting we took a little walk down to a marina development near them and stumbled across a Fairtrade gift shop.  Valentine’s Day!  How great!  It was full of hearts – some wicker ones and some tin ones, which I snapped up.  We seem to have found ourselves a “theme” without really meaning too.  Decorations are about as far as it will go though.

I have also found the fantastic Eco My Party where I have bought some paper heart garlands and wicker stars.  Check it out!

A DIY wedding

While at my friend’s house, we had a rummage in her workshop (she is an upholsterer) and she gave me some fantastic material offcuts. Another very talented friend is going to make me some bunting, and now I don’t have to buy the material!  It was such a great day!

We did originally think we would make it ourselves, making it very roughly with a staple gun to attach the triangles, but my friend decided she would make it for our wedding present.  (My daughter will  love it in her room afterwards)

Sorry about the proliferation of exclamation marks in this post – I think you can tell how much I am enjoying the DIY. In fact, while walking into work this morning I thought “Hmmm, maybe I should become an ethical wedding planner” – let’s see how I feel when it’s all over.  At the moment my brain is in overdrive and I may have blown a gasket before the big day.

Unfortunately, neither of my lovely friends have offered to make the dress, but I’ll leave that story until another day.

Sam
Read Sam’s profile

Wedding outfits—let’s fight again
Apparently Mr. H, as I do, doesn’t really agree with most of my stepmom’s ‘conventional’ ideas in regards to our wedding. He kept telling me that, unfortunately, numerous Indonesian couples usually have to eventually do what their parents want them to do in their wedding day. Okay, I get it. But what I want to say is that we decided to try to talk again with my stepmom, explaining to her that having only one wedding outfit for each of us (for both the ceremony and reception) would be the better option we desire, etc., etc. My stepmom is a seamstress, so she intended to make my wedding kebaya (the traditional/national dress in Indonesia), while I wanted to wear everything that I already have, but we’ll see later.

Invitations—almost ethical and DIY
After perusing some pictures of invitations I like from the internet, we made our final choice to model this one below (I apologize that I can’t mention the source, as I no longer remember from which website I found it), but we’re going to use only one paper (instead of three pieces like pictured beneath) and one ribbon (and maybe plus a small piece of paper on the back, containing the map that shows routes to my parent’s home as the reception location). We plan to buy the papers only and then print everything using my HP printer. My country has not yet familiar with vegetable-based printer ink, so no such thing as that is produced in mass, and we’re just using the conventional kind of ink.

Favors—this is ethical, I suppose
We came to a decision to donate a portion of money (his money) to a local environmental organization (we haven’t decided which organization) in our guests’ honours. We plan to ask the concerning organization to make a kind of ‘receipt’ or something (or we will) that will be given to the guests when they come to our reception. I actually have proposed this donating idea since months ago, so I’m glad that he lastly agrees.

Groom’s gifts—bring this topic back
Earlier, I said that Mr. H and I made an agreement not to have any kind of gifts (seserahan/antaran—goods given by the groom to the bride when he proposes formally and when groom and family first come to the ceremony location, to be used by the bride at and/or after the wedding, such as clothes, cosmetics, toiletries, shoes, cakes, cookies, etc.). But apparently both sides of our parents insist us to have at least a few. So, in order not to burden Mr. H, I request goods that can be used by both of us after we get married—one springbed, one cupboard, one stove, one pan, one wok, toiletries (for both of us), and several other that are still in plan.

Looking forward to another great progress

On the one hand, it was encouraging to see a growing number of green-minded exhibitors, from tree wedding favours to charity gift lists, wedding venues such as the RSA in London doing their utmost to be environmentally aware in every aspect of their business, and a multitude of vintage boutique style offerings making second-hand sexy.

On the other (and I say it as shouldn’t, having been involved in the wedding industry for a good few years now!), I was simply overwhelmed by the amount of wedding-related – for want of a better word – stuff.

This feeling was put into words by a bride I overheard about to enter the show.  It went something like this:

‘I’m scared to go in because of all the things I’ll see that I didn’t know I needed.‘

Of course, she was half joking but it suddenly brought home to me how much we package weddings up as a big, shiny, sparkly parcel and get so distracted by the wrapping that we forget to look inside and remind ourselves of the reason for the party.

Whatever else gets thrown in your path towards the aisle, don’t let it get in the way of that reason.

Let me explain…

The couple in question are very laid back, no fuss kind of people. So for a start there were no fancy invites; our summons to a mysterious party at the end of August came by email, as did the eventual revelation that it would be a wedding celebration, and all the venue, timing details and so on. So it was pretty much a paper-free wedding!

The ceremony (which we didn’t attend) was just for a handful of family and friends at the register office in their hometown. The bride wore a blue dress that could easily be worn again, and the groom a smart suit. Witnesses were in (presumably hired) nautical outfits to add a touch of the surreal to the occasion!

The evening do took place in a bar in the same town and was a relaxed, low key but crazy affair with everyone required to come in music-themed fancy dress.

This gave the couple the chance to entertain a whole host of stars with no expensive personal appearance fees! Among the assorted guests were Amy Winehouse, Ginger Spice, Abba, Morrissey and Slash.

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After some wardrobe emptying antics the day before the wedding, I plumped for Bjork – hair twisted in knots, a vintage dress I’d been waiting for a chance to wear, coupled with a fluffy cardigan and boots; while my husband made an admittedly poor effort as Chris Martin from Coldplay – black jacket (charity shop purchase – quite smart, he’s since worn it to work!), black t-shirt and black trousers, plus random bits of tape on his fingers and photo of Chris Martin to prove his identity!

Eddie van Halen – or the Groom as he’s otherwise known – proudly entered the bar with his Bride, appearing for one night only as Eleanor of the Chippettes, the female version of The Chipmunks!

Entertainment was provided by a thrash metal band (friends of the bride and groom) – and the happy couple danced merrily to a metal version of one of Abba’s greatest hits. Aww bless!

Parents, friends and Waitrose provided platters of good grub and everyone tucked in mightily with very little wasted.

The couple had honeymooned in Paris the week before the wedding (they like to do things differently!) so just went for a posh meal to celebrate after the event.

There were no favours and no fuss and the carbon emissions must have been considerably less than your average white wedding.

All in all, it just goes to show what can be achieved with a small budget, a sense of fun, a bit of imagination and a bunch of friends. Certainly a wedding to remember!

I’ve said it before, but Lachie and I are simple people. We dreamed of a small chapel in a field, with family and nature around us. We hadn’t bargained on England’s foolish marriage laws! In Australia, you can get married anywhere that a celebrant is willing to undertake the ceremony. The list is endless, and friends of ours have married in the most divine small ceremonies under rainforest canopies. Not so England!

For those who might be new to the wedding game, England allows civil wedding ceremonies in approved buildings only. The rules specify that the building must be fixed, permanent and be usually open to the public. Religious weddings are allowed to be organised directly with the appropriate religious centre, although all but Church of England weddings still require civil paperwork to be completed.

As Lachie is a Catholic, we set off to find that perfect old Catholic chapel, but soon discovered that the Reformation and Henry VIII had left us with little functional choice. Determined not to be married in a Register Office, I went to the internet to find the perfect venue.

Fact: it is very difficult to find a venue that will respect your wishes to be simple and eco-friendly in the North West. I gradually started finding barns which looked wonderful: rustic, simple and honest, but further inspection found the same opulence as the most up-market hotel.. and the same price tag!

Overwrought by more than 50 hours of searching, disappointed by the lack of appropriate venues and upset that England should have such silly laws regarding the union of two people, we spent several nights feeling quite flat and low after the lovely highs of our engagement. Fortunately, a couple of days to remember WHY we were getting married allowed us to see beyond the venue, and reminded us that we were more than just wedding planners!

After a week’s break away from wedding planning, I sat down again to find the right venue. I had a mental list of what we wanted: simple, inexpensive, eco-friendly, ethical and down-to-earth, preferably in Cumbria. Initially happening upon Rheged, an outdoor centre set into a hill near Penrith, we started to hope that maybe it wasn’t a fruitless search. Rheged uses produce supplied by local farmers, and seemed to share some of our ideals, as well as our budget! We drove up there one day to investigate, and although it is truly an exceptional building, it wasn’t quite for us.

We next discovered the Matara Centre. Not quite Cumbria: in fact, the search had taken us to Gloucestershire. However, I was so thrilled by the concept of “total freedom to express their own feelings and beliefs in creating a unique wedding experience without limitations” on its website that I would happily have relocated there. It was, however, so far from home that we simply couldn’t justify the transport and logistics of relocating our wedding down there. Buoyed up once again by a near-success, the search continued.

Browsing through the Ethical Weddings suppliers list one day, I embarked on an internet journey which took me ultimately to Yurtopia. At which point, I fell in love. The natural lines of the yurts drew me in, and their simple, honest structures were like heaven after all those fancy old hotels! We both love eco-friendly buildings, and the low carbon footprint and flexibility of a yurt just makes sense. After a few emails, during which my respect for Yurtopia sky-rocketed, I decided that transporting a yurt all the way up to Cumbria from Brighton just wasn’t viable.

Hurrah for Full Circle, a company offering three yurts in the grounds of Rydal Hall in Cumbria. Speaking to owner Sarah as I booked two yurts for the week after our wedding was refreshing: it’s a family-run business, and they share our aims for a natural existence. I was able to book the ‘honeymoon’ yurt for Lachlan and I, and a second yurt for his family to stay in, as we wanted them to enjoy the week with us.

The yurts and surrounding countryside are just beautiful, and knowing what was in store for us after the wedding cleared my mind and allowed me to finally agree to what had been right for us all along.

We’re getting married in the local register office. Who cares where you are when you say your vows? It’s thirty minutes out of a lifetime together!

With half the battle won, I started searching for organic and vegetarian-friendly caterers. As I have a poor attention span at best, I found myself searching vacantly for local cafes we could visit while we were ‘honeymooning’, and found myself looking at Wilf’s Cafe.  Although they’re not organic, Wilf’s is well-known through outdoorsy circles as a great caterer, with a famous vegetarian chilli. More than that, they use local ingredients where possible and are situated in an old wood mill in the village of Staveley, outside Kendal.

It struck me as an honest, down-to-earth place to get a good feed and enjoy yourself: which is oddly enough just what we wanted! We visited and found ourselves smiling broadly to realise that Wilf’s suited us perfectly.. right down to their request that all venue hirers recycle their waste!

Our search hasn’t been easy: at times we contemplated putting off the wedding until we were back in Australia and free to get married wherever we liked. However, we are both genuinely excited by the places we have found, and feel that ultimately, with your friends and family around you, where you say your vows doesn’t really matter.

Of the entire wedding planning process, this has been the most difficult. I’m sure, though, that over the next few years, it will be easier to find good venues in the North West, and I hope that other couples won’t give up if they find obstacles in their path. It’s worth it!

The problem now: the two articles are too provocative. They talk about how green wedding is the trend in 2008, but they only talk about that on surface. In contrary with their humble titles, the contents are not humble at all. They suggest a sort of green theme, but not the ‘serious green’ one. For instance, they advised a venue to be decorated like a garden by having imported flowers and stuff. The point is that they emphasize their writing more on the style of the wedding itself, not how a wedding can also be one of your efforts to care about Mother Earth.

Oh, really can’t show those two to my dad.

So if you’re at the start of your wedding planning, why not take the long-term view and pick out a dress you can wear again after the big day? After all, in days gone by, the wedding dress used to serve as ‘Sunday best’ for years to come (see our post ‘Granny’s green wedding‘).

This week’s featured supplier, Motasem, takes exactly that approach designing cocktail-style wedding dresses that wouldn’t look out of place at a smart summer party… over to Sabina at Motasem:

Name: Sabina Ali

Location: Islington, London

Tell us a bit about yourself and your business
I decided to set up Motasem after I was continually asked to create cocktail-style wedding dresses as an alternative to the clichéd white meringue and to produce styles that brides could wear again after the big day was over. Then, as I was working on my fourth dress it suddenly occurred to me that there could be a market for such a thing, and I was right

What or who inspires you?
I am passionate about creating clothes that flatter women, that make them feel sexy and comfortable whilst being a little bit different.

I love simple elegance, which is timeless, trans-seasonal, yet a little bit edgy. The understated glamour trend, spearheaded by the likes of Carla Bruni, is really catching on right now and it pretty much sums up the mood for Motasem.

What do you enjoy most about running your business?
The most enjoyable part is creating a theme for a collection, developing it into clothing and finally it all coming together beautifully. The icing on the cake is when everyone else ends up loving it and wanting it… you can’t beat that.

What is the most challenging aspect?
There is continuously so much to do, and after I’ve completed one collection, it’s easy to forget to take time out to recharge. So I like to escape on weekend retreats, see new art exhibitions, or go off on my travels somewhere new and exciting. It also forms a great basis of inspiration for my next range!

What do you feel you bring to an ethical wedding?
I was fortunate enough to have time with the late Dame Anita Roddick in February 2007, and she advised me on how to develop my ethical ideas for Motasem. She was incredibly inspiring and supportive, and it’s so sad she is no longer with us. However, her legacy lives on.

It feels great now, that I’m in a position to be able to put these ideas into action. Weddings can be so unnecessarily wasteful and expensive and the styles and prices of traditional wedding dresses reflect this.

At Motasem, customers have the option to select organic fabrics, and they are all in styles brides can wear again. The prices are affordable because the dresses are set designs and sizes (8 -16). They are available to purchase directly from a sample collection with a delivery time of 4 weeks. All dresses are ethically produced in London and Europe.

How do you see the wedding industry changing over the next five years (if at all)?
Online, online online! Women are becoming busier and busier these days, with a third of them now earning more than their partners. So… isn’t it a great example of female time management and multi-tasking, when we squeeze in a spot of shopping and planning during our lunch breaks?

I also think the credit crunch will affect how people spend on their weddings this year. We’re going to be seeing a lot of tightening of belts!

Find out more about Motasem – wear again wedding dresses

As they’ll be wedding planning from a distance (living in England but marrying in Ireland), the DVD should come in very handy!

Read what Ruthe had to say about their wedding plans so far…

“We have decided to keep our day as eco-friendly and simple as possible, so are keeping caterers and venue local and are staying away from hotels and the hype that has become the norm for irish weddings in Galway.

Old style Irish wedding

I believe I would find this dvd to be useful as we are planning an ‘old style’ traditional Irish wedding. This includes a small ceremony for immediate family in the morning on the beach followed by a wedding breakfast.

Later on in the evening we will host a wedding party for all our friends and extended family and neighbours.  Apparently this was the norm 50 years ago when everyone lived in the same village! We need to have a registry office cermony three months in advance and will follow up the main day with a barbeque and bonfire party at my parents’ house, marquee included depending on the weather.

Distance wedding planning

My other reason for finding the DVD useful is that I will be living in England from June whilst organising a wedding to take place in Ireland, with guests travelling from all over the UK to Galway for the weekend itself.

As we have decided to spread out the event over a weekend rather than pack everything into one alcohol-fuelled day, as is more common here, there will be free hours in between events, so making our guests’ stay as enjoyable as possible is another consideration for us to include in the planning.

Finally, my partner hopes to wear a traditional Irish 3-piece suit, along with the groomsmen. I bought my dress on ebay, it is a sample dress so has been tried on but never worn! His mum is altering it for me.

Eastern influence

Both my partner and I also have influences in our lives from India and would like to incorporate this in some way into the wedding party, either through decoration of the venue or reflected in the bridesmaids dresses, a clash of eastern and old Irish perhaps?!

Therefore, any advice for planning a simple, charming old Irish wedding weekend, with a subtle hint of eastern influence and a large dose of DIY would be very warmly welcomed in our house!

Our budget for the wedding is £7000, (€10,000), so we will not be using a professional ethical wedding planner, yet I have to admit if I could justify the cost then I probably would!

My main reason though for not hiring a planner is because of my career background in events organisation. I am actually enjoying organising the wedding myself and feel I am good at it, or at least I should be! I see the organising as a buzz rather than a source of stress. “

My West (Gunslinger’s Revenge) psp We wish Ruthe and Jonathan all the very best with their wedding planning – and look forward to reading their review of the wedding planner DVD next June, after the big day!

Take care,

Katie
Get planning tips from other green brides and grooms in the Ethical Weddings Forum

If I could have chosen one place in the world to fall in love, it would have been Woodford Folk Festival. Living in Brisbane, Australia, since 2000 (and prior to that, Birmingham, England), I have been constantly enthralled by the beautiful surroundings of my favourite city. Just to the North of Brisbane, Woodford lies in the Sunshine Coast Hinterland, in view of the Glass House Mountains.

As editor of Soulshine, an Australian independent music website, I have been very much involved in the music scene since 2004. Woodford represents the highlight of the music year for many people in Australia, and it now has an added significance for me! Lachie and I met as we were volunteering together on the same festival bar, and we got together on December 30th, 2005. I must have known I was on to something, as I sent a midnight text message to everyone in my phone book, telling them I had met someone amazing!

Knowing I was moving to Melbourne to be with a sick friend just ten days later, we spent every minute together until the time came to say goodbye. By now we were well and truly in love, and spent the next two months spending hours and a small fortune staying in contact by phone. After moving back to Brisbane, Lachie moved to a house just 70 metres from mine, and our lives were shared from then on. So it was that in September 2007, when I had to return to England, that Lachlan found himself returning with me.

Lachie is a high school teacher, and little did I know that when he went to school, he was plotting with other teachers and teaching assistants how to pop the question. We had talked about it a little, feeling that marriage was our next logical step, and when our second anniversary came around, I hoped that he would seize the moment! However, it was midafternoon by the time we set off for the little town of Kirkby Lonsdale in Cumbria for our daytrip, and the sun was starting to set by the time we sat down on a bench overlooking ‘Ruskins View’. In fact, Lachie was so busy trying to find the right words that it was almost complete darkness when he actually proposed. What a relief!

Of course, it’s only once you’re a bride-to-be that you suddenly realise what that actually entails! My first few forays across the internet in search of ideas left me quite horrified and somewhat scared at what we were facing. We are pretty simple people, and although I don’t consider myself an eco-warrior (despite the dreadlocks!), I was appalled at how opulent and resource-hungry the wedding industry appears to be. Ironically, the more opulence we found, the more determined we became to have a simple, honest wedding that met our basic requirements to be a positive experience and eco-friendly.

In my next post, I’ll describe the arduous process of searching for the right venue.. and share the links to some of the places I found!