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So this is the last part of the series of my wedding story and a good-bye. I’ve had so much fun (and lessons) from Ethical Weddings blog

Since my parents did not give their permission, we could not have an ‘unconventional’ reception. We just followed the unwritten rule: my husband and I and our parents sat at a decorated dais in the living room from 1 to 6 and no mingling with the guests and we could only drink a little water, while the guests ate as much as they wanted. That’s the unwritten rule of ‘traditional’ wedding reception in the province where we live. Most of the elements for the reception (tents, chairs, dais, outfit, etc.) were rented with golden-brown and red and white hues (though we never asked for any red). My older brother and his wife, along with a few neighbors, welcomed the guests next to the guestbook and favor table. After filling in and signing the guest book and receiving the favor (more on those on other posts), guests ate based on their choice (we had about four menu, buffet style). The eating finished, guests went to the living room (where the bride and groom sat) to congratulate both us and our parents, posed for a picture with us, put an envelope (with money inside) as a gift, then went home. Oh, again, I know, so boring At the reception, I interacted most with my husband (of course), so we still had fun. Hopefully the guests, too. At least I saw that most of my friends looked glowing while talking and eating at the guest area. They’re what mattered most, so we both had win/win situation, thank Lord Read also:

• “The Wedding: The ceremony definitely is my fav part of the day (1)”
• “The Wedding: The ceremony definitely is my fav part of the day (2)”

Well, it’s now been about 6 weeks since our wedding.

I’ve been meaning to write for ages, and think I may have been putting it off as it is another chapter closed.

No wedding wellies

What can I say?  It was fantastic!  We were charmed by the weather and I think it would have been a very different wedding if it had been raining as much as it has been recently.  As it was, the wedding wellies were not needed.  The campfires were lit every night, and when the caterer got stuck in an awful traffic jam and was 4 hours late, nobody cared and just went swimming or hung out instead.

Morning madness

The morning we left for Devon was quite stressful, as although we had packed most stuff the night before while the kids were asleep, I had to cut the flowers from my garden, then prepare them and fit them in the car… In fact the wellies were used, to keep the alliums upright on the journey!

The traffic was heavy on the way down, and we managed to arrive at the venue about 40 minutes before the first guests – could have done with a little bit longer to settle in.

It continued to be hectic after that for a straight 48 hours! The first thing we saw on our arrival was our wedding tipi surrounded by buttercups – fabulous.  We tried to unpack as the kids raced around the camping field, but kept having to stop to welcome more people arriving.

Here come the guests

Most of our guests arrived on the Friday night and all immediately fell in love with the place.  There were walks in the woods, kids on the swings, a barbecue and fire.  And a very loud horse which neighed all through the night.

Our friend started doing the flowers, and some more fiddled with the speakers and lights and so on, but mainly people hung out and caught up with people they’d not seen for ages.

Luckily for us, our kids were sleeping a little way away with their cousins, which meant we got an extra hour or so in bed – that was a real life saver, as the whole day was extremely busy.

After a cup of coffee (made on our tipi fire!) I suddenly looked at my watch and leapt up.  I was quite stressed for an hour or so, as it seemed that there was so much to do, but once all our friends roused themselves and got to work it was brilliant.  Everyone was buzzing like bees!

The kids were kept entertained by the play area and general freedom to run around, but they all really enjoyed the craft session to make some wands for the procession up to the woods.

Flower power

You may remember from my earlier posts, that the flowers have played quite a big part in my preparations – well they were absolutely fabulous!  My friend, Caroline was amazing and we had flowers everywhere, some brought by family, others by post, and some greenery from the woods.  They truly did look spectacular.  She loved doing them, and several friends helped out too.

And the wedding?

Akeelah and the Bee movie

So, the wedding itself.  I didn’t cry  (at least not till right at the end when giving my speech) but instead smiled and smiled and smiled.  It’s hard to capture it in words, so I thought I’d just put in a few photos…

Katie:

In the Heat of the Night divx

Congratulations Sam! It sounds like a fantastic day was had by all.

You can read all Sam’s posts here or take a look at her profile.

About 4 months to go and I got a motorcycle accident one evening, a few days ago. So long now to beautiful chin and leg (although I wear hijab/headscarf as a Moslem woman, so bruises on my foot are no big deal).

Poor thing, I know. Even so, I’m so much grateful that the accident happened long before my wedding day (I consider 4 months and 3 weeks as “still long” ) instead of, I don’t know, a week before or so.

This reminds me of a bridal tradition in my country called ‘pingitan’. I have no idea what better English term for that is, but I can tell you that it’s quite an interesting tradition. I think it’s originally practiced by the Javanese, but later people of other tribes carry out the tradition as well.

During one week before the wedding day (this one-week process is what we call pingitan), the brides and grooms are not allowed to meet each other, and the bride-to-be is not permitted to go out of the house. She’s not even allowed to meet non-family members, although in the said house (usually her parents’). This way is used, one of the purposes, to avoid anything unintended happen (traffic accident, for instance, like what I’ve recently experienced). It is also believed that practicing this tradition will make everybody (especially the groom) be surprised of how the bride look like on the D day (more of “How stunningly different and gorgeous she is!” kind of surprise) for they have not met for a week.

The pingitan tradition is more flexible now in this modern era, in which brides are allowed to communicate with her future spouse, even though only through phone or IM, for example. They are also tolerated to go out, as long as to non-long-distance destination and with the company of at least one family member.

I’m so very much interested to carry out this tradition (although I’m originally a Sundanese, not Javanese), yet it seems that Mr. H isn’t. I know this tradition is not a critical or a principal thing, so to practice it or not wouldn’t be a problem, but I want each of us to be surprised on our D day Oh well, we’ll figure that out later.

It’s kind of funny how it was pretty much convoluted earlier to talk about the ‘when’ with my family, in particular my father and my older brother, while it was so simple when we eventually locked the fixed month.

About a week ago, through SMS, Mr. H and I concluded to have July 2009 (I suggested the thirty-first) as the month. Then, I still recall, on a hot day of this Friday, there was only my father in the living room, writing something. I passed by toward the backyard and said something about wanting to have my wedding ceremony in the mosque right across our house. He replied that he didn’t mind about that. While I was in the backyard, I could hear my father was still talking (guess he thought I was only next to the living room). Afterward, I entered the living room and notified him that I desired to have late July 2009 to be our wedding day. And he said okay, I can tell you, with joy. That was it. No conflicts whatsoever.

I’m just getting much more excited now that the month is set

• Fired Up release

I’ve said it before, but Lachie and I are simple people. We dreamed of a small chapel in a field, with family and nature around us. We hadn’t bargained on England’s foolish marriage laws! In Australia, you can get married anywhere that a celebrant is willing to undertake the ceremony. The list is endless, and friends of ours have married in the most divine small ceremonies under rainforest canopies. Not so England!

For those who might be new to the wedding game, England allows civil wedding ceremonies in approved buildings only. The rules specify that the building must be fixed, permanent and be usually open to the public. Religious weddings are allowed to be organised directly with the appropriate religious centre, although all but Church of England weddings still require civil paperwork to be completed.

As Lachie is a Catholic, we set off to find that perfect old Catholic chapel, but soon discovered that the Reformation and Henry VIII had left us with little functional choice. Determined not to be married in a Register Office, I went to the internet to find the perfect venue.

Fact: it is very difficult to find a venue that will respect your wishes to be simple and eco-friendly in the North West. I gradually started finding barns which looked wonderful: rustic, simple and honest, but further inspection found the same opulence as the most up-market hotel.. and the same price tag!

Overwrought by more than 50 hours of searching, disappointed by the lack of appropriate venues and upset that England should have such silly laws regarding the union of two people, we spent several nights feeling quite flat and low after the lovely highs of our engagement. Fortunately, a couple of days to remember WHY we were getting married allowed us to see beyond the venue, and reminded us that we were more than just wedding planners!

After a week’s break away from wedding planning, I sat down again to find the right venue. I had a mental list of what we wanted: simple, inexpensive, eco-friendly, ethical and down-to-earth, preferably in Cumbria. Initially happening upon Rheged, an outdoor centre set into a hill near Penrith, we started to hope that maybe it wasn’t a fruitless search. Rheged uses produce supplied by local farmers, and seemed to share some of our ideals, as well as our budget! We drove up there one day to investigate, and although it is truly an exceptional building, it wasn’t quite for us.

We next discovered the Matara Centre. Not quite Cumbria: in fact, the search had taken us to Gloucestershire. However, I was so thrilled by the concept of “total freedom to express their own feelings and beliefs in creating a unique wedding experience without limitations” on its website that I would happily have relocated there. It was, however, so far from home that we simply couldn’t justify the transport and logistics of relocating our wedding down there. Buoyed up once again by a near-success, the search continued.

Browsing through the Ethical Weddings suppliers list one day, I embarked on an internet journey which took me ultimately to Yurtopia. At which point, I fell in love. The natural lines of the yurts drew me in, and their simple, honest structures were like heaven after all those fancy old hotels! We both love eco-friendly buildings, and the low carbon footprint and flexibility of a yurt just makes sense. After a few emails, during which my respect for Yurtopia sky-rocketed, I decided that transporting a yurt all the way up to Cumbria from Brighton just wasn’t viable.

Hurrah for Full Circle, a company offering three yurts in the grounds of Rydal Hall in Cumbria. Speaking to owner Sarah as I booked two yurts for the week after our wedding was refreshing: it’s a family-run business, and they share our aims for a natural existence. I was able to book the ‘honeymoon’ yurt for Lachlan and I, and a second yurt for his family to stay in, as we wanted them to enjoy the week with us.

The yurts and surrounding countryside are just beautiful, and knowing what was in store for us after the wedding cleared my mind and allowed me to finally agree to what had been right for us all along.

We’re getting married in the local register office. Who cares where you are when you say your vows? It’s thirty minutes out of a lifetime together!

With half the battle won, I started searching for organic and vegetarian-friendly caterers. As I have a poor attention span at best, I found myself searching vacantly for local cafes we could visit while we were ‘honeymooning’, and found myself looking at Wilf’s Cafe.  Although they’re not organic, Wilf’s is well-known through outdoorsy circles as a great caterer, with a famous vegetarian chilli. More than that, they use local ingredients where possible and are situated in an old wood mill in the village of Staveley, outside Kendal.

It struck me as an honest, down-to-earth place to get a good feed and enjoy yourself: which is oddly enough just what we wanted! We visited and found ourselves smiling broadly to realise that Wilf’s suited us perfectly.. right down to their request that all venue hirers recycle their waste!

Our search hasn’t been easy: at times we contemplated putting off the wedding until we were back in Australia and free to get married wherever we liked. However, we are both genuinely excited by the places we have found, and feel that ultimately, with your friends and family around you, where you say your vows doesn’t really matter.

Of the entire wedding planning process, this has been the most difficult. I’m sure, though, that over the next few years, it will be easier to find good venues in the North West, and I hope that other couples won’t give up if they find obstacles in their path. It’s worth it!

Well, my friends and I came about twelve minutes late to the ceremony, when the officiant (we, Muslims, call this person penghulu) was giving his wedding sermon (we call it khutbah nikah), comprising advice and hopes for the newlyweds. Listening to what he said and, particularly, hearing his soft, wise voice, I just knew in an instant that I wanted this person to be my very own wedding ceremony officiant (my married-friend lives in the same regency as I do, so I have to have an officiant from the same area with where I conduct the ceremony).

Since my own wedding is still about a year ahead (and no fixed date yet), of course I decided not to contact him immediately. At least I got his name (and my married-friend said I could contact her anytime I needed the officiant’s contact number). Well then, so far I won’t have to be too worried about the officiant.

After some time, I told my parents about how I wanted to have a green wedding. I even had to say something about how green weddings had become a big trend now. The good thing, my dad cared to ask, “What’s that?” in a nice manner. So I gave them a few examples: that you might want to use a secondhand wedding dress instead of buying or making a new one, that you’d conduct a simpler kind of ceremony and reception, etc.

The response? They laughed. They even compared me with other brides-and-grooms-to-be who prefer new materials for their weddings, not secondhand ones. And their ‘magical’ denial is always, “What would other people think about that?”

My stepmom even told me to stop being confused and stressed and worried about my wedding planning and let others do the thing for me. Actually, that’s sort of customary in most of families here. Mothers and her relatives generally become the ‘powerful’ group when a bride is getting married. They decide what food to serve, how the decor is going to look like, how the wedding dress should be designed, etc. Brides, most of the times, can only suggest a few little things. So far, my parents have only allowed me to handle the wedding invitations based on my and my soon-to-be husband’s personal choices.

This is a pretty tough phase in my growing-up life, really, but I’m going to do this slowly.

Anyway, plan to show my dad some articles and pictures of actual couples who manage to have ethical weddings. Hopefully, this way of persuasion can work for him.

It freezes well (I know because I made several for a Fairtrade Feast we held last year) so again my plan is to make it in advance and freeze it, then defrost and ice it a day or two before the wedding. Maybe with white chocolate buttercream. Yum!

Ingredients:
200g butter
300g Fairtrade caster sugar (and an extra 50g on one side for the meringue)
6 separated free range local eggs
300g dark Fairtrade chocolate, melted
300g self raising flour Buttercream – 100g Fairtrade white chocolate, 200g icing sugar, little knob of butter

Method:

Breathing Room ipod

Cream butter and sugar, beat in egg yolks, and stir in the melted chocolate.
Whisk egg whites until stiff and add the extra 50g sugar to them to make meringue.
A Yank in the R.A.F.
Fold the flour and the meringue into the chocolate mix.
Transfer the mix to greased 10” square cake tin and bake for 45 to 55 minutes at 180C.

As I am boldly (or stupidly) attempting to make my own ethical wedding cakes, a couple of people have asked me to put the recipes on the blog.  So here is my tested recipe for carrot cake.  The chocolate cake and fruit cake recipes will follow when I have made sure they work! 

I’ve been making my cakes in a big square tin with movable sides, which you can set at different widths to make the cake different sizes.  You can buy these tins in most specialist cookery shops and I expect you can buy them online too.  They’re not cheap as cake tins go, but it’s really useful to have one for making all sorts of different-sized cakes and loaves.  Just be careful if you have a very small oven because the base of the tin is 12 inches across.  Making the cakes large is important for me because there will be more than 200 people to eat them! 

Every oven is different, so with cooking temperature and time, it’s wise to have a few tries at getting it just right.  You don’t want your final cake to turn out to be gooey in the middle when you cut it on the day.  Luckily you can make these cakes a bit in advance and they freeze really well.  I plan to make mine a month or so before when I am not stressing too much, and get them out and ice them with one day left to go.  Anyone who has any tips on icing cakes in a smart-looking way, please do let me know. 

Carrot cake

Ingredients: 400g/15oz unsalted butter
700g/24oz Fairtrade caster sugar
rind and juice of 2 Fairtrade oranges, grated (or a tablespoon of Fairtrade marmalade)
4 large free range eggs
1kg/2lb carrots, grated (from a farmers’ market or your own vegetable patch if you can!)
150g/5oz Fairtrade dried fruit or chopped nuts, whichever you prefer 2 tbsp vanilla essence
500g/18oz plain flour (local if possible)
4 tsp bicarbonate of soda
2 tsp mixed spice
2 tsp salt

Method:
Tom and Jerry Blast Off to Mars! dvd
1. Preheat the oven to 180C/350F/Gas 4.
2. Grease an 11 or 12 inch spring-form cake tin.
3. Beat the butter and sugar until they are light and fluffy.
4. Slowly add the eggs, beating well to incorporate each addition fully before adding more.  Eggs can vary a lot in size, so if the mixture looks quite liquid after adding three eggs, don’t bother with the last one.
5. Fold in the grated carrot and chopped fruit/nuts.
6. Add the vanilla essence and orange bits or marmalade.
7. Finally, sift the flour, bicarbonate of soda, spice and salt together, then fold into the cake mixture.
8. Pour the mixture into the prepared spring-form tin and bake in the preheated oven for about an hour. The sides of the cake should be coming away from the sides of the cake tin and a skewer inserted into the centre of the cake should come out clean.  If the cake looks quite done on the outside but is still dribbly in the middle, turn the oven heat down a bit, and leave it for another twenty minutes.  It should then cook more slowly but more evenly throughout.