We are celebrating the groom this month and along with ethical clothing, crafty grooms and the shiny cufflinks we also want to talk about the stuff that’s on your mind.
We want to talk about how you might be feeling, under pressure to be a perfect groom, wanting to ‘get it right’ for your bride along with any niggling worries about the big triggers of doing the speech or that first dance.
So, how are you feeling about the wedding day? Does thinking about any specific part of the day bring a nervous feeling into your stomach or a lump in your throat? The wedding morning is often a stressful time for both bride and groom. Getting everyone ready, worrying about getting there on time, any last minute crises that could happen and those “what if…?” questions that swim around our psyches.
Ideally, we’d all like to be cool cucumbers but what if you know this isn’t your normal state, that your stress and anxiety levels are already pretty high, and the big day might just add to that pressure cooker feeling?
There are many techniques that can help you relax so don’t wait until you are a bag of nerves on the wedding day , investigate the following techniques to see which one is right for you: hypnotherapy, EFT, meditation, life coaching, and cognitive behavioural therapy. Here’s a bit more detail on two of our favourites that you can get started with right away.
Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT & Matrix Reimprinting)
Tapping points courtesy of EFT Training Courses
This self-help technique is based on the same theory as acupuncture, except you tap points on your body rather than insert needles. Its popularity is growing rapidly and it is thought to be one of the “greatest healing tools of the 20th century” (Deepak Chopra). Here is what one bride said:
“We are just back from honeymoon after an amazing wedding and I just wanted to say thank you SO much for the work we did together – apart from early morning nerves I felt so calm throughout the whole day and it was incredible! I really was amazed at how relaxed I was the whole day. No overwhelm at all, just lots of grounded happiness” EFT Brighton
You don’t have to be a monk on the side of the mountain to meditate, it’s simply taking time to be still, relax and be present. There has been lots of research on the effects of meditation, but essentially it is the opposite of anxiety. It trains your brain to quieten down. There are hundreds of different types of meditation but here are some great minute meditations (perfect for a moment of calm on the wedding day morning) or perhaps you’d prefer a course from the highly scientific Transcendental Meditation Institute.
Whether it’s writing it or delivering it the wedding speech can keep even the most confident orator awake at night. Fear not, there are people that can help and they come in the form of speech writers and vocal coaches. But the content needs to come from you; it’s your speech after all. To brainstorm, get a blank piece of paper and answer the following questions:
- Why do you want to get married to your fiancée?
- What are your bride’s best features and why?
- Where did you meet?
- What funny stories do you have about your dating time together?
- What do her family think of you?
- What do your family think of her?
- What are the nicknames that you have for each other?
You’ll soon start crafting some content, get into the flow, forget punctuation and just keep going. Then when you are ready, pick five of the points and elaborate on them and you will have the bones of your speech in no time. Once the first draft is done then it’s time for some help. Who do you know has a good command of English? Bribe them to help you edit it and, most importantly, take a break from it for a few days and openly listen to their feedback.
If all else fails then hire a speech writer, but if you’ve done the ground work then it will be faster and cheaper for them to turn a first draft into a polished speech. Try Burn the Toast and Staggered for a recommended speech writing service.
Right, the speech is written and now it’s just the thought of delivering it in front of all those wedding guests that’s worrying you. If the worry is reaching fever pitch then go back to the earlier therapies that could help. You can also hire a vocal coach or a friend to practise in front of. Yes it’s a cliché but practice will really make your delivery perfect, reading it aloud also highlights any areas that need changing.
Another good tip is to print your speech out in a large font (at least 16pt), laminate it, and mark where the natural pauses or applauses are. Read slowly and carefully, have water by your side and don’t be afraid to take a moment to let the audience really hear your words. What you have to say is important.
The dancing groom
We’ve all seen those brilliant wedding dances on YouTube, and if you’ve got time and the inclination then hire a local dance teacher to help you craft something special or perhaps just go for the downright hilarious like the Frog Song. The most important thing is to enjoy it, if learning to tango six weeks before your wedding feels too much, then it probably is.
Image courtesy of Bass Stone Slap
It’s not only brides who can feel pressured by all that is expected from them on their ‘big’ day. So, grooms, take some time for yourselves and figure out how you are feeling, then take some action to help you through it with ease. Yes, we’re keen to help you go green on your wedding day but we want you to look after yourself as well as your environment.
Take it easy!
- Sign up to our Ethical Weddings newsletter
- Follow us on Twitter @ethicalweddings
- Join us on Facebook