ethicalweddings.com

We had a fantastic time at the Sussex EcoFair last month.  Not only did I get the chance to get up on the catwalk and strut my stuff but we showed the good people of Sussex that fair can well and truly be fashionable!

The fashion show was split into 3 different themes with our Ethical Stylist, Lou Taylor, putting together the looks and commenting on them.

First up we featured fair trade daywear from People Tree and Amira for everyone from bright young things to ladies who lunch - chic and stylish but easy to wear.  This theme was coordinated by Deborah of EcoChic (Fair Trade).

Then we had the fab and funky look courtesy of Goodone and Leftover who ‘upcycle’ (making old clothes better!) making trousers into skirts, shirts into dresses… and anything else you could imagine, plus cute but striking Brighton-made dresses from Get Cutie, and ace vintage charity shop choices.

The third and final theme was evening and bridalwear.  This included a number of vintage items as well as nearly new from dress agency, Tesoro in Cuckfield, ethical designer offerings from Ciel (thanks to Brighton-based ethical fashion boutique, Lulie B for the loans!), stunning, intricate work in recycled felt from Elena Garcia, a 1930s inspired wedding dress from fair trade fabrics by Wholly Jo’s and a simple but stylish organic silk wedding dress from Motasem.

We had a packed and enthusiastic audience and hopefully at least some of them were feeling inspired to slip into something sexy and sustainable by the end of the show!

Now, when can we do it all over again?!

Katie

I’ve revealed the slow progress we came up with beforehand. Now it’s relieving for me that we have the month fixed (and we’re still rummaging around for the date).

It’s kind of funny how it was pretty much convoluted earlier to talk about the ‘when’ with my family, in particular my father and my older brother, while it was so simple when we eventually locked the fixed month.

About a week ago, through SMS, Mr. H and I concluded to have July 2009 (I suggested the thirty-first) as the month. Then, I still recall, on a hot day of this Friday, there was only my father in the living room, writing something. I passed by toward the backyard and said something about wanting to have my wedding ceremony in the mosque right across our house. He replied that he didn’t mind about that. While I was in the backyard, I could hear my father was still talking (guess he thought I was only next to the living room). Afterward, I entered the living room and notified him that I desired to have late July 2009 to be our wedding day. And he said okay, I can tell you, with joy. That was it. No conflicts whatsoever.

I’m just getting much more excited now that the month is set

So you don’t want toasters and tea towels for your wedding presents… you’ve got quite enough of those (thank you very much for asking). But how about something a little different… a Village Vet Starter Kit? Or a Primary School Tree Nursery?

Intrigued? It’s time to introduce you to our featured supplier for the next 2 weeks: African Dowry!

Business name: African Dowry
Location: London; Kenya; Ethiopia; Tanzania; Uganda; Southern Sudan

Tell us a bit about yourself and your business
FARM-Africa is a charity who works with some of the poorest people in the world to find innovative and sustainable ways to pull themselves out of poverty. African Dowry is one of the ways that members of the public can support our work.

Through our fun and inviting ethical wedding list, with gifts such as Village Vet starter kits, and Primary School tree nurseries, you can make a huge difference to people’s lives as part of the celebrations for your special day.

The service is managed online, so you can email all your guests, or print off cards to send out with invitations.

You are kept up to date with how much your guests have raised to help farmers and herders produce more food for their families and live without depending on food aid.

What or who inspires you?
We work with people who live in the poorest parts of the world, but we don’t force ideas that will not work on people. We work with communities to find the best ways to help them out of poverty, for the long term.

It isn’t always easy, particularly when solutions are not instant, but the determination, enthusiasm, and hard work of the communities we work with is an inspiration to us all.

What is the most challenging aspect of your work?
As a charity, we can’t afford to waste money on expensive advertising campaigns, so the hardest part is helping people find the African Dowry website, so that they can begin to raise money to support African farmers.

What do you feel you bring to an ethical wedding?
Many people don’t want their friends and family to waste money on unwanted gifts, but guests want to buy something to mark such a special occasion.

Using African Dowry to support FARM-Africa means that your special day is an opportunity to change someone’s life for the better, and guests can feel part of doing something amazing too.

How do you see the wedding industry changing over the next five years (if at all)?
As more and more people become aware of their impact on the world, and start to live more ethically, naturally, they are going to want to get married in an ethical way.

People are also becoming more aware of how privileged they are and want to give something back. Arranging an ethically sound wedding is one way to achieve this.

Find out more about African Dowry - charity wedding gift lists

In late July, I attended my brother’s sister-in-law’s ‘mainstream’ wedding reception. As my family and her family are now a big family (since my brother married her older sister), her mother asked my stepmom and I to dress alike in kebayas—Indonesian typical ‘formal’ dress for women (she even gave us the fabric for the dress)—for the reception. Below is a photo of my family and the newlyweds (that’s me, the one wrapped in a headscarf).

Lighting and Music
During the reception, I was like counting how many energy sucked for the reception that lasted from 3 to 8 PM. It was conducted in a very big, fancy venue. So many lightings and the music was LOUD, I felt no romance whatsoever. Even the wedding singers sang lots of break-up songs!

Decor
The décor was beautiful, but I assume it must be very expensive (my dad mentioned a quote that’s as much as my planned wedding budget). So I observed which part of the décor that I could adapt for my very own wedding, in particular the ones that could probably be made by ourselves (I mean me, Mr. H, or someone else we know). I have actually been thinking about branches. There are scores of dead trees by the highway street in my place and they still have the branches. Every time I pass by those dead trees, I feel like climbing up and chop the dead branches. Pretty nice imagination, though

Makeup
I’ve attended many weddings and I always find this one very similar thing: the makeup of the brides is always too thick. I understand that it’s their special day, but I just don’t get it why they would let the makeup artist paint their faces that way. Ironically, you pay SO MUCH for the service! Mr. H and I have been considering about using our friend’s talent for my makeup. I have someone in mind, but I haven’t said anything to her.

Dirty Plates
Another akin thing in most wedding receptions here: a wedding venue (wherever it is—a hotel, a house, etc.) is supposed to be a nice and clean place, but I always see a mess in all wedding I attended. It is ‘customary’ here that once the guests finish their meals, they put the plates and everything under the chairs or tables (only fancy weddings have tables for guests, but most weddings here provide only chairs due to the size of the venue, so please visualize guests holding plates with their one hands). There are usually other people who will take them out to be cleaned, but those people cannot always take the dirty plates in an instant, so you can imagine what the floor looks like, I guess. This is tricky. I don’t know how to handle this for my own wedding.

Do We Need Trays?
As I’ve just mentioned, most non-fancy wedding receptions here in my place only provide chairs (minus tables) for the guests to sit. And it’s a common thing for hosts to have lesser number of chairs than the number of guests. Well, unlike Western weddings or other fancy weddings in my country, most receptions here do not have programs. So, there’s no such thing as guests seeing the newlyweds enter the reception venue or any other programs. People here are usually allowed to choose when to come (during the time stated in the invitation), they enter and sign the guestbook, shake hands with few family members of the bride and groom who stand on the entrance of the venue, eat, and congratulate the newlyweds.

Well, to my experience, guests are always kind of busy when it comes to taking the food (usually on buffet). They take the plate, have the chosen food in the plate, take the water (most often mineral water in plastic glasses), take some fruits and small cakes, and then find a seat. Can you picture how many hands are actually needed there? Well, I still have no idea how to manage that as well for my wedding later.

At least I’ve these checklists of to-dos.

Plenty of things (that, in point of fact, includes conflicts and its relatives) got in the way, so in a negative way to say: we don’t undergo too much progress in our wedding planning and preparations so far.

At least in early July we had the ‘official’ marriage-proposal from Mr. Husband-to-be’s family. Well, he did propose to my father in early January (and my religion actually considers the one done by the concerning man is already an ‘official’ proposal), but it is customary in my country that the man’s family have to come as well to meet the future bride’s family. Even though my religion doesn’t recognize such thing as an engagement between a man and a woman, most people here regard this kind of ceremonial proposing thing as an engagement party or something.

Traditionally, heaps of things must be done for the proposal ceremony. There’s a practice in my country in which the man’s family (this could mean ten or more family members) come to the woman’s family’s residence to get to know each other ‘formally’. Each family usually has one person to act as the representative ’spokesperson’ in the ceremony. And normally, both sides of family will talk also about the exact ‘when’. What’s more, our tradition here dictates us to have this ‘gift-giving’ thing. We call it seserahan or antaran, that—to my knowledge—symbolize something, but I just don’t know what it is exactly. The gifts (’gift’ isn’t really the right term, as there’s the actual gift for the wedding called mahar, but I can’t think of another label) are commonly rings (sometimes for both the engagement and the wedding), fabrics for the couple’s wedding reception outfit, toiletries, shoes, etc. Above and beyond, the woman’s family has to serve meals (a lot of them) for all the guests.

Mr. H (not for ‘husband’, but his initial is H) and I… (drum roll)… chose to skip most of the things mentioned beforehand.

Ten or more family members—(not) checked.
Mr. H’s immediate family members live in another city (Jakarta, which is across the ocean, just so you know—and plane tickets are expensive), so only his mother and one of his sisters came, plus his two cousins who live in Pontianak. Most of my family live in Jakarta and other cities in Java Island as well, so there were only me, my dad, and my stepmom (oh, plus my baby brother). But as I’ve told initially, there were some light conflicts (or cold war, I may say) in my own family, so apparently my dad cancelled his plan to make at least ten people (although not immediate family) come to the’ceremony’.

Antaran—(not) checked.
Having a wedding, I comprehend, needs loads of cash. I’m not making money currently, so I depend on my family and Mr. H for the wedding budget. No doubt that a wedding reception sucks masses of money, so I didn’t want to add another burden for Mr. H (and my family, too, of course) to give antaran whatsoever (and I truly didn’t want anything, not even rings). My religion doesn’t bother with this antaran thing, why should we? (with all due respect to man-made tradition). Recently, my mom called and blamed Mr. H and I (she only talked to me, by the way) for not undertaking the ‘right’ procedure of the proposal ceremony. And I can assure you that even though they didn’t give any comments, my dad and stepmom must talked about this ‘outside-the-tradition’ thing behind my back.

Loads of meals for the guest—(not) checked.
My stepmom only served teas and cakes (there’s a story behind it that I can’t tell why).

The ‘when’ is finally set—(not) checked.
At first we wanted April next year, and then we changed our mind to January as it just seemed nice (and not too long). My dad kind of ‘depends’ on my one and only older brother (who lives far away from Pontianak), so he asked us to wait for my brother’s approval and everything. But even after he was here, no significant talk popped up. Until a day before he got back again to where he lives now, he told us that it was up to me to pick any month I wanted to (why didn’t he say that much earlier?).

See, slow progress. But at least, it is still called a progress.

Wow, this is…interesting!

We’ve written many times on this blog about ethical jewellery and the environmental and social impact of gold and diamond mining, and have told you all about the jewellery designers trying to make a difference.

But this is something else! Spotted on Springwise, we learn that none other than Wal-Mart has launched an ethical jewellery range (as a pilot project) called Love, Earth which allows the customer to trace the path that each item has taken from mine to shop.

They say:

“The Love, Earth pilot project is important because it shows for the first time that materials found in a piece of jewelry purchased from a retailer of Wal-Mart’s size can be made traceable all the way from the mine to the store,”

“Secondly, it is important because it ensures that at each step of the supply chain, from the mine to the manufacturer, companies are working toward leading industry standards for environmental and social performance.”

It sounds too good to be true… a business the size of Wal-Mart could make a massive impact if they’re setting standards this high, and they’re working with great partners such as Conservation International too.

But if you don’t mind, I’ll hold the champagne on ice for the moment.  I remember there being a huge fuss about Wal-Mart going organic… and then a year later, when the fuss had died down, they seemed to be quietly reducing the range as it wasn’t compatible with their core customers.

This is just a pilot… the question for Wal-Mart will be, is it profitable?

Your thoughts - as always - are very welcome…

Katie

I just felt I had to give a little, no a great big shout out to TOCCC today (that’s The Organic Chocolate Cake Company to the uninitiated).

Somehow they knew, don’t ask me how they just did (just like my husband does!), that the way to an ethical wedding planning type of girl’s heart is through… CAKE!

Yep, the other day, a juicy piece of organic chocolate cake squeezed through the letterbox and onto the doormat… ready and waiting for me on my return from a hard day at the office.

I even gave my husband a bit… a little bit

If you’re after an organic wedding cake for your wedding, you should know that TOCCC are good guys.  Not only are they Soil Association certified but they offer discounts for people who do a valuable job in the community yet receive a relatively low wage, and can trade services in lieu of money.

That’s the icing on the cake, I reckon! (sorry!!)

This week we’re heading across the Atlantic to chat with Robyn of The Rental Company who makes it easy for couples to go green on their wedding day…

Name: Robyn Allison

Location: Holland, Michigan, USA

Tell us a bit about yourself and your business

We are an events rental company providing high end products and service to customers in our area.

We promote green weddings and environmentally friendly ideas to all our brides and event planners.

What or who inspires you?

I love to share ideas with my customers and see what they do to make them work for their weddings and events. Everyone puts their own personal twist on our basic ideas.

What do you enjoy most about running your business?

Helping people make their special events as close to their dreams and visions as possible.

What is the most challenging aspect?

Getting people to understand that you don’t need to spend more to go green you just need to think and research a little more.

What do you feel you bring to an ethical wedding?

Ideas, Options, Pride, Value

How do you see the wedding industry changing over the next five years (if at all)?

I see our industry growing and becoming more educated.

I hope this means that vendors will be more responsible to our customers for bringing information and value to their events.

Find out more about The Rental Company - ethical and green events

Just lately I seem to have been getting more impassioned pleas for help with bridesmaid dresses than wedding dresses.

I suppose it is a tricky subject.  On the one hand, your bridesmaids should of course be eternally grateful to you for being ‘the chosen ones’, the select few who will guide you through your transition from maid to matron…

On the other, they no doubt experience that instinctive shiver of dread of “THE BRIDESMAID DRESS” - images of ’80s horrors float through the mind’s eye, pink puffy sleeves and mountains of shiny satin the stuff of maidenly nightmares…

In my experience, however, the modern bride is commendably keen to banish such woes from her bridesmaids’ brows and in fact is almost falling over herself to make sure the girls get the dress of their dreams - so much so that it can become more important than her own outfit!

We want our bridesmaids to feel comfortable but pretty, sexy possibly, stylish definitely.  We don’t want to be the ungenerous bride who dresses down her maids to make her own star shine brighter…and most of all these days (especially if you’re planning a green wedding - no waste! - and particularly if they’re paying) it should be… drum roll… 

A DRESS YOU CAN WEAR AGAIN

Yes, it’s the phrase that every bridesmaid has heard, that sings so sweetly but sadly in her ear as she consigns the fun but confetti-courting creation to the back of the closet…forever.

But enough weeping and wailing, it is a tough task if you’re trying to find one gown to suit more than 1 maid (if you’ve only got one bridesmaid, just ask her to choose it and be done with it - no complaining from you!).  You’ve got different shapes and sizes to think of, different complexions… and you’re not a professional stylist, so where to start?

Bridesmaid dress hunting 5 top tips

We’ve come up with a few suggestions that we hope will make your task easier - if you have any of your own top tips, we’d love to hear them!

1. FIND YOUR THEME

If you’re having a colour theme for your wedding, don’t fix it until you’ve done your bridesmaid dress shopping - it’s easier to find a dress colour that suits everyone and then theme the wedding around it than vice versa.

2. HAPPY SHOPPERS

Take your bridesmaids on a shopping trip to get an idea of the styles and colours that suit them, and that make them feel comfortable.  This is a chance for them to get to know each other too - it doesn’t matter if you don’t find ‘the one’ on this trip, or end up getting them made - it’s a fun, bonding experience.

3. WHO’S THE BRIDESMAID?

Of course you want your guests to know who your bridesmaids are but this doesn’t mean they have to wear meringues! If you have several women wearing the same dress at a wedding, they’ll be presumed bridesmaids unless proven otherwise. 

Just remember though, if  you do find the dresses on the high street, it might be worth letting your female guests know by email in advance which dress to avoid - unless they want to look like an extra bridesmaid!

4. MIX & MATCH

Having said that, don’t feel that they all have to wear exactly the same dress or colour - you just need something to tie it all together.  It could be that they wear the same colour in different styles, or the same style in different colours - go for what works best for you… and them!

Remember that you don’t have to go for dresses either, skirts and tops might be easier to fit, and consider trouser suits for something a little different…

5. THEY LOVE YOU!

Remember that at the end of the day, your bridesmaids really are just happy to have been chosen and would willingly crawl down the aisle in acres of pink satin if that’s what will make your day - so stop stressing!

Green my bridesmaid

If you’re reading this blog, you’ve probably also added an extra element to your bridesmaid dress calculations - how to find an ethical one.  Well, for starters, if you really do find a dress they’ll wear again (and you can check up on them at various events over the next few years!) that’s a big brownie point.

After that, why not spend a few spare moments (or days, weeks, months!) scouring the internet for ethical fashion designers using eco, organic or recycled fabrics… or alternatively, let us do it!

Here goes… click on the photos to find the dresses…

For more on ethical bridesmaid dresses, take a look at this recent Guardian article responding to a bridesmaid-to-be’s request for help in her search for the perfect ethical but affordable outfit.

If you’ve found a beautiful bridesmaid dress with an eco-conscience, please send us a pic and we’ll share them here on the blog.

Happy planning!

Katie
Chat about ethical bridalwear in the Ethical Weddings Forum

My dad came to see me the other week to help with my accounts (interpret: do them for me because I’m lazy) and while he was here I asked if he wanted to see The Venue.

Given the choice of that or a million receipts for 80p which all need logging and filing somewhere - anywhere! - it seemed like the more interesting option. So we spent a horribly eco-bad hour sitting in rush hour traffic between Brighton and Lewes and finally got to our lovely little country pub in Barcombe and he seemed to like it but was very worried about the chairs.

A few days later my mother visited, and naturally she had to see it as well. On route she tells me Dad had called her and said he was very worried about the chairs. Mum said we could get chair covers.

I said, “what in God’s name are you all talking about you mental people? We’re getting married, not having a chair fashion parade”. Well I didn’t. I said that in my head.

Mum and Charlie (her husband) were relatively impressed with our beautiful little country pub and marquee and riverside locale, and started talking about food and toiletry requirements and toastmasters and first dances. In my head, I was saying this: “aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh”.

That evening, Toby’s mother called. “I’ve decided to interfere,” she said. And she did.

It was about this point that I decided I wasn’t going to do it. Any of it. No chair covers, no toastmaster, no stupid bloody favours and definitely no first dances. No way Jose.

I sat Toby down and told him “no way Jose” and he said “thank God!” and we set about planning the wedding we actually want to have - not the little country pub wedding we thought we should have.

Re-planning everything was pretty easy to do, especially since we hadn’t really done a lot in the first place. I always said I was going to have a wedding like in the back of the Asterix books, with the outdoor banquet and bonfire, and a bard tied to a tree. So we have begun hunting for a field with a suitable tying-bard-to tree.

We also found these guys www.beautifulworldtents.co.uk, and even though it is way over our budget, knew straight away we had to have one. It’s perfect, and they have a great ethical policy too.

Toby is determined we’ll eat bangers and mash (Ashdown Forest wild boar bangers, natch) and my dad and Sarah (his wife) live half the year in France, so are charged with carting back huge mountains of booze on their travels. Nicely eco, since the journeys would be happening anyway.

We’re going to get Firefly Solar to power the whole thing, have our friends’ bands play - and that’s it. A field, a tent, some food, some wine, some music and all the people we love, especially each other. Unfussy, eco, and very, very us.

Chair covers? Pfft.